luff

Header I used for my Twitlight portfolio.

Guess I rediscovered art. I've focused too much on structure and proportion, too much on technical details and corrections. So, today, I just sat down. And drew a nose. Worked from there. No construction lines, no blocks, no nothing. The nose quickly grew into a young face. :D Fingers followed, then the torso..

Awww I love her so much.

Feels so good to draw without rules.

And - yeah. Lets redbull on.

You gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything. Haha. Can't get the song out of my head. It's been 3 days. I just found it SO fitting.

Lastly, before I end this, I would like to say a big Thankkkk Youuuuuu to
1. bella for tolerating my shit
2. yk for answering every single shitty tech related problem i encountered in maya
3. ant... actually i should be saying sorry to you for leaving the class just like that. and causing shits to be lost.

):

i'll improve.

450

I don't know what to say.
Really.

I'm just sitting here and staring at the screen, trying to see into another world. Some other world. Any world.

Don't even have the strength to get angry. Don't even have the strength to shout. To scream at the heavens. To cry.

I'm just sitting here, deflated. Defeated.

In shock.

I guess I've just witnessed the uglier side of life. Working, working, working and getting nothing back at all. So empty. Tasteless. Sad. Watching as masterpieces get torn into dust. Just watching. Can't do anything. To help. To salvage.

Unable to defend loved ones, as they fell to another's desperation. Useless. Helpless.

Feeling the hurt as the urge to hurt swept over me again and again. and again.

I'm strong. I know I am. But not today.

449

STUPID ARTIST ALLEY IS LOCKED.
So anyways, here's Erza.

Damsel in distress?
Subtle kiler?

I don't know. Concept still ain't complete yet.

So yeah, she's supposed to be some noble who was taken out of her nation secretly in order to escape potential assasinations. Sadly, her carriage got ambushed and since then, Erza has been wandering, trying to find her way to somewhere safe. Anywhere. There she will meet one of the antagonists of the story. And get involved.

Two paths for her to take :
1) Investigate deeper into the mysteries after her first confrontation with Ms. Villian. Corlainia, maybe.

2) Tag onto one of the RPers and follow them through their journey, while she attempts to find her way back to Dyst.

And yeah. Being a pure blooded noble, she's naturally a SS.

Planning to give her one of those timebomb qualities in her personality aspects. Still thinking.

Other WIPs. ( a concept sheet ). For a bigger, clearer piece, just MSN me. :

So. yeah.
Back to my my usual whinings.

Sorry fudge. Only managed to redraw 7 frames of the 60panel storyboard. I suck.

Cheesecake. CHEER UP.

and to toffee. Tsk. tsk tsk tsk.

crossiant. WHERE'S MY SHERYL NOME POSTCARD HUH

448

So, I watched that bio series on the Crime and Investigation channel. And I was.. blown away.

That woman's illness, her extreme moodswings.. those happy peaks, periods where she would just break down and sob uncontrollably over nothing at all, those violent outbursts.. paranoia..

And I thought. It was just a normal phase of life.

Part of me is wishing right now.. wishing that I indeed have inherited this disorder from my family. I'm not a horrible person, blame it on those chemical reactions controlling my life. I'm a perfectly likable child, it's just this disorder screwing things up for me.

It's not my fault. It's not.
...I'm pathetic.

So yeah, I'm really going crazy in my head right now. Tested the waters with someone about it. This morning. But from the reply I got, I realized that no one would take it seriously. Then again, who would?

I'm worried, man.

I've been quite easily irritated since young, and it has been developing ever since. Now I'm hurting people.

I'm kinda worried about my future. I don't want to graduate and grow up, just to lose control and kill someone, then go to jail, you know.

Have been keeping it under control with some effort. But it's really hurting the crap out of my heart. I'm obsessive. Jealous. There were times where I just felt like running over and grabbing that collar, then yelling in that face : " Stop hindering me! "

And there's also times where the teeniest negative comment will leave me depressed for days.

I dunno.

Almost wanted to walk out of this place and find the truth. Maybe I'll seek out some psychiatrist, ...maybe?

I'm tired. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep. And I will do it. Now. ):