-65-

---
mm, this reminds me of Shattered. nothing can beat it sia. but its peak was short lived anw. not much diff. was the noisest few in there. no one can beat our combo de..
but its dead now..
waliewww. abit sad. but its abit like.. a cycle thing eh. I finally knew what mistake i made that caused the death of Shattered. The answer is right in front of me now. X: its abit like watching history repeat itself. the first part, to be exact. ahh. boots ah boots.

Lacrymosa! I dont know what the heck this word means, and i dont care. Sounds good = Fair enough for me. Might research on it ltr.

Here I am, giving the reason why my MSN cannot work on the other com. (: Its infested with viruses. INFESTED, i say. hahaha.

ORBI~

Dont want scan lah, now got prob liao take my com -_- See you next time still want to scan com or not. Think your darling SRO is a gift from god meh, no virus .. No virus your head lah. You go on internet without virus scanners = in danger liao lah -_- The forums you go aint disinfected also leh. -_-

I might be lousy in com techny stuff, but at least i know enough to actually enable all the virus scanners.

doh wan listen to us females lah, think we females are incompetent lah..

MUAHAHAHA. youre in worse shape than us kthx.

looking forward to valentines' ~ nothing to do with me, i know. but .. it reminds me of how the Entreprenuer club members personally delivered roses to the recipents. I remembered writing on the stacks of vday cards along with atiqah.
And the smiles on the recipents' face! Our work were worth it.

Lalala~

-64-

The MSN problem should be solved by today, unless something screws up again. in a few hours time.. lalala.

bought my bag. managed to fit everything in without making it look like an overstuffed turkey. haha, took the other design in the end.

syak saw my wallet and went " ahh, typical shan". hmm. typical as in, i always get such thick and detailed wallets or as in i always get dark stuff? but anywho, im happy! i have an identity zomg.

got inspired in SS class.

Hugs and kisses
Hits and misses
All hail Valentines' Day~
Feel happiness
Joy and sweetness
Love always leads the way~
-Lyrics sub-ed into a nursery rhyme. Jack and Jill went up the hill~

lousy 10mins work. i know, there i am, treating relationships like vermin, and here i am, creating lovey dovey rhymes. LOL. i dont know whats wrong with me, lazy to find out too.

took a little stroll in the middle of a storm.. well, not a storm, just raining slightly. anw, hiked up the hill.. and went the usual path.. saw cats everywhere. yea, instead of the warm and dry nyp, i went to take a walk. im clever, aint i?

PKS SHOWED ME HOW TO USE ATM D: first time i actually get to go sooo near to it. T_T yes, im 16 and i am not allowed to use the stupid atm. and there he was, flashing out his card to buy mags. sian -.- he deserved the high class feel though, since he worked hard for it. haha. and i was ..wasting my holidays away. i want to work. . . . . . .

wishing that olvls will just fly past. i think they have a slot somewhere. so close.. yet so far.

the moment i get my lappie, youre dead. >_> D.E.A.D. muahahaha~

-63-

sad this turned out to be a long post again. just an ANNOUNCEMENT. i wont be going on MSN until my other com is back. still trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with the firewall settings on this one. -_-

anyway, do expect to see me being dangerously quiet in game or in forums. with a dad who hogs the com on purpose just to see your irritated face, who wont get their patience stretched? (: of course i wont flare up at innocents lah, just a gentle reminder.

o___o shocked. in trauma. cant believe it. my god. nice surprise after logging into my acnt after weeks. -_- WHO saw my profile again?!
but on the positive part, i found out that i made grammer mistakes in my friendster profile.

walau. is my blog even safe now -_- i think the old paper diary is way more .. safe ah. -_- double blow ok. finding out who were the ppl who read my blog.

anw, TAG LAH!! meant for everyone whos not looking for trouble.

trying my best to shorten all entry posts -pokes last post for latest efforts-

hmm, BOUGHT NIGHTMARE BEFORE XMAS WALLET WITH JH~ and TMR, IM AIMING FOR THE BAG OF THE SAME THEME. watch out, stall owner. im going to chope all your stocks.

MUAHAHA.

maybe ill get pretty earrings and necklaces too. all black themed. ^^ im returning to my lolita roots. tho pink has somehow welded into my life, guess ill make do. Shan aint shan if shan aint gothic. when im thin enough, ill move towards elegant goth. haha~

ive almost had everything, mascara, tops, polish. i just need an eye liner. cut some bangs into china doll style after my hair is long enough. none of my friends saw me wearing goth before.. hmm. im not that extreme. haha. the moment i start working, im going to stock up. on everything. accessories, ties, laces, EVERYTHING.

today's splurging made me bubbly and happy all over again. hehehe. thanks for convincing me to go explore ah X:

may be going nyp tmr, but seriously dont feel like it. cancelled the trip with sch, either im going with my friends or ill just skip it.

info tech needs 24 pts.. can make it de. theres still a chance for me and my lappie to meet. (:

-62-

bought my last album on my list, The Open Door. By Evanescence. zomg goth rock.

Must be exhausting to lose your own game
selfishly hated, no wonder youre jaded-
you cant play the victim this time
and youre too late

somehow, i felt as if im slapped hard by this verse -_- and i wont elaborate. ^^ very personal.

Today .. something drama happened! There was a fight.. and the teachers were running everywhere. shant say much too, not my business. but i saw my friends getting quite stressed up over this, and i swear some just wanted to see show. X:

im getting very fed up by the attitude le. yesterday night de mood seriously plunged after realising the mistake i made. -_- huge mistake. my way of thinking needs some changes. i wonder if i should continue to do this.. or do the betraying thing again? or just forget that i actually promised anyone anything. and continue acting blind.

tried to find some people to talk to about the issue, but everyone seems so freaking preoccupied. pks was gabbering about CS.. well, cant blame. jh, she was busy waiting for mint they all and getting so hyper about shopping, so suan liao lor. the only person left who knows about this issue wont even give a damn anyway. different lives.

sad. im starting to think that i made a wrong move. but cant keep on getting agitated because of the attitude leh. i can accept doesnt mean i like ah.

shall wait and see.

Ps: Minor call for aid, if i ever get stupid enough to get in a relationship again, do everything you people can to wake me up. Tsktsktsk. how can i fall into the same trap which took everyone away from me~

-61-

hmmm, HALLO QI~ hehehe. so long never see you ler. ^^ hows life?
and btw, sorry arh. about last time with that accusing tone i used on you. but seriously, im still abit angry at them. thats why i stopped visiting relatives and gran. so cold~ but yeh, im happy to have such a good cousin like you. yep. -patpat-

HALLO TO THE PEOPLE IN MY CLASS TOO~ i dont know how the **** you got my blog add, but, WELCOME WELCOME~ :X nah, joking. humph. but hor, seriously. HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW, SPIT IT OUT!!! =_= but.. let bygones be bygones kay. if you guys dont want to bring it up, might as well just forget it. serious.

but i like your style. dont dwell on the past ~ no matter how hard hearted it seems. (:

mmm, ytd me and mum quarrelled again. but for the first time, we reached an uneasy truce. ^^ i just lost my cool and stopped stabbing remarks drenched with sarcasm into her, then just snapped at with the best diao-look i can muster. IT WORKED LOL. slammed my views straight in her face. though it hurt quite a lot, argh, my heart. but i hate it when someone, anyone, accuses me. but at least she shut up.

she made a mistake by admitting that shes biased. ^^ and i took advantage of it.

pks told me to just freaking stuff my ic under her nose and tell her im 16. -well, she doesnt know that i got mine in the first place.- even if i flashed her my death cert, i bet she wont gimme any freedom. -_- but, all shall end after i get my lappie. to hell with your permissions, with my lappy, you aint getting any info out of me anymore. hwahwahwa.

IN YOUR FACE.

i have juniors le ^^ ill pit everything i have to get my 2 points for poly. yay~

ms kaur read my journal. i was ..quietly pleased. lol. she offered counselling ;_; but.. haha. i have to learn to handle everything myself, yea?

its sad having to put on a smile everyday, even though you dont even feel like it. if i could, i would just drop my image and slap the heck out of the people i dislike.

total sense of disgust. -_- deep disgust.

its the first time in my whole 4 years in sec sch that i felt definite hatred. not joking. hmm, this feeling is quite new to me lah, unlike any other from the past. strangely, its not directed at the main leads of this drama. am i slipping into the darker side of life? if so, i want out -_- how can i survive the working life if i cannot deal with puny accusers? my god.

i know sometimes life is like that lah. theres bound to be thorns in your life, and of course, you will also be the thorn in other peoples' lives. i dont know if i like being something that causes pain.. but you know, a person cant please everyone. so.. you can only say " too bad "~ and try to be the best and prettiest rose in the hearts of the people you care for. if you guys would let me. haha, i listened to every one of you. and im glad i did. its time for me to repay this kindness.

ill be there, just like how you people were there for me.

awww, im being all mushy. cant stand it anymore.

guess ill be off for now, saving my time for later. play at night wahaha. ytd was quite shocking. the guild is so active. perked up immediately after going in, but dont have time to chat, since im rushed for time to level and im busy quarrelling. -pokes up- haha~ this month should be interesting.

hmm. reminds me. whos that mystery person. ;_;

-60-

HEADACHE LAH!!!
sleep 1 hour straight in class liao still cannot..

wahhh. -.-

hmmm.

abt maple, im sticking to delph until someone actually convinces me that you guys will at least have a schedule that wont clash. i mean, cm'on la. one night one evening one day. and i wont even start on the undesirable people in there. besides, i play = no play. no time this whole monthhhhh. but aft this week shd be better liao.

dun wan go nyp -_- dreading .


and plus, irritating thing i want to bring up. stop fucking think that my tagboard is your friendster bulletin or whatever shit. any hatred against someone .. go call and piss him off for all i care lah. that move of yours was totally redundant sia. waste my time to go edit summore. think i very free issit. =___=' i would have kept it there if i wanted to, but its my responsibility to monitor it so shut up about the rest.

dun wan update le~ lost all my thoughts after the headache.

random updates~
hmm, tinglish. today proved to be another scary round of the emotional roller coaster ride. survived it, as usual. i dont know whether i should be proud of it or not. lols~
i dont really want much people to read this, so im updating it at this time. missing this update will be good, for i just found out that i burnt my old diary a few years back. no where else to write in ler. heh.

was abit of a shock, finding out that those emotions aint dead yet. its still in me, somewhere. it just went back on, like, tadaa. hah. thanks to you. -_- see lah, now im becoming unsettled again.

but, hehehe, bit of nice info over here eh?

-59-

think i oughta delete the former post, i calmed down enough to feel guilty about writing about this in my blog and not somewhere more private. ahh well. ill just stack another post over it.

think my body got used to the lack of chow, wont feel so tired so easily now. but my old problems are coming back. hmmm. im lacking in calcium and protein crap. from what i know. but im turning back.. i cant stand watching my nails and hair dying off. my nails are freaking transparent. T-T its going to take some time, but dont rush me ok. gimme a few months or so. ;_; pwishhh~

getting rid of emo genres in my favourite styles of music. sian.
going for either trance and dance-ish, or gentle and sad kinds. extremes. ^^ i just decided that i will stick to rock too, because of the guitars.

and, whats with the ah-lians-listen-to-techno theory?! techno and trance is for all to enjoy. >_>

was wondering about maple private server. should i join and try it out. ._. should i should i should i? haha. im already worrying at such an early stage.

showed tuna whats lineart and whats sketches. whats the difference between them. and while sourcing for the perfect example of a good lineart, i saw something that caught my eye! see, i get distracted easily.
Its TRADITIONAL ART and it looks freaking DIGITAL. -i lost the link-
... wow ...
thats it, im going to restart my call for copic markers. Or any kind of marker that colours like water colours and stain the paper easily. back to google researching. >_>

remembered what the two of them called us to do..
next friday,
[1] wear knee length socks
[2] tuck in blouse
[3] get two pigtails
summary: dress up like a super nerdish student and piss the teachers so much that they allow us to wear ankle socks and tuck out.

-_- no one is going to do that, its the sad truth.

----
mmm, hmmm. just finished reading through a thick, THICK book in abt..4 hours? argh. tired eyes.

felt so sad omg T_T How can they make death seem so.. easy wtf. even if its really just another level of existance, the feeling of someone being there, but not able to be seen visually is just sad lah. its even worse than losing someone forever. Death suddenly doesnt seem like the perfect escaping route to me anymore..