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I. am going to rant. :)


why, why why why cant i get a stupid lama staff even after 7k plus jr. wraiths~ T_T where is justice?! i think every item dropped except for the stupid staff lah T_T

why, why why why didnt i do grendel's dumb quest with my storage character~ T_T now im stranded at vic with nothing to kill T_T

why, why why why must the cakes deny me my presents~ T_T i just want that fugly looking bandana, thats all T_T

lastly,

why, why why WHY must you damage my thumb drive~ T_T 70% of the songs are now missing #$@#% and my classmate's fnn piccys are destroyed omg omg omg. heng got extra one lying about T_T



i FINALLY know how to draw those traditional manga eyes properly YAY! After pulling out almost every comic book i own and examining it so closely that my eyes hurt, i learnt alot about poses :D but i still need eyes to complete the look! so, in desperation, i went to maplesea's forum to look for a certain art thread LOL. and i wasnt disappointed X: found a perfect example to analyze and tadah! new drawing style!

and by the way, to anyone who has the ragnarok comic books too *cough*.. betcha never knew, the cast of the nightmare before christmas were secretly added into the action scenes of the prontera battle LOL. i found them while examining the panels..

plus! the battle with skurai! as fenris was running up to the tower, guess what, i found harry potter! X:

too bad i cant collect the whole series :/ im done crapping.

suddenly feel so weird lol, last post was done with correct punctuation and grammer *well expect for the last few lines* .. and this is the direct opposite X:ahahaha~

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" I need to talk to you about something."

The girl sitting in front of the computer groaned inwardly and braced herself, gathering strength to help her pull off her i-dont-care look.

" I've had enough of the lectures on relationships. Really. "

" No, its not that. "

She arched her brow and stole a sideway glance at her mother, tapping on the keyboard at a constant pace. What the heck is she crowing about?

" You know about it, don't you.. I might need you to support your sister. Till she gets a cert. Of course we will do our best to prevent this from happening. We can sell this house at most.."

An uncomfortable silence filled the living room. Fingers frozen on the letters ' h' and 'a', she stared blankly at the mass of pixels on the screen, unable to process the information.

" ..What? "

" Thats why you must study harder than anyone. Your sister's future depends on it. Literally. "

***

Fingering the digital clock beside her, she raised it to a light. 11.00 . Heaving a sigh, she returned the clock to its original position and stared at the little squares of black sky in front of her. Who the hell invented the bloody window grilles, dammit. She stood up and walked towards her window, trying to get a better view. A glaring spotlight caught her eye. Following the trace of light, she found its source. Republic Polytechnic.

Thats why you must study harder than anyone..

She grimaced and turned to her drawer, trying to distract herself from the thoughts. But no, how can fate let her off so easily? Two key chains appeared in front of her eyes as she dug through the piles of junk cluttering the plastic drawer. Lifting one off the drawer, she touched the smooth surface of the lavender coloured key chain and read out the letters printed on it. S.H.A.R.O.N. The other one had the letters V.A.L.E.R.I.E. A little pink heart is attached to the ends of each key chain. Wonderful. Sisterly love indeed.

The girl gave up and shuffled back towards her bed, feeling as though she was being forced to grow up immediately. This is definitely not what teens are supposed to go through.

She looked down at her skin, skin that twice carried the muted tones of death. Bad way to start my life. Her eyes traveled down towards her hand, the hand that was once bloody and mangled. Bad way to start my childhood. Extending her fingers, she stared at the obvious flaw. Bad way to start my school life.

But its all over, isn't it? The misfortunes happened when she was young. She had no memories of the pain felt. Yes, deep hatred lingers, but its only because she was unwillingly to let the matters go.

Staring at the direction of her sister, well asleep in the master bedroom, the girl shuddered, letting bitterness take over her for a second. Her sister was well protected from harm, not starved, properly taken care of, had everything she wanted, born healthy with no flaws. What a magnificent entrance into this world! But she will face with a worse nightmare later on in life..

All the bitterness surging through her suddenly died away. The hatred felt in the past seemed so meaningless now..

***

The girl threw herself into bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark dolphins stuck on the ceiling. For the first time in ages, she wished that every single person, be it her family, her friends, loved ones, everybody.. will just.. leave her alone.

The dolphins slowly lost their light, and darkness enveloped her once again.

--------
..lol o_o'' no im not emo i swear swear swear! just felt like tapping a little story out.

279

NYORO~N!
no, i dont know what this stands for too. but the format is so cute omg i cannot resist stealing it X: but actually i edited it, so it wont count as stealing. i think. edit: okay, i wikied it :/

drew in many many styles, and still drawing :/ i have a growing feeling that im the one that is going through more hell lol. kinda.. bitter about it :/ no. not kinda. VERY.

listening to happy songs helps though, i can pair it up with my pro imagination skills and come up with a temporary remedy to relief my sian-ness~ uhnnnnn.

am dying to show my strips to everyone o_o justice must be done to my efforts LOL. ill rearrange everything and tear out the cover pages~ someday, SOMEDAY, ill make my own artbook :/ a real one. then ill sell eheheheh. i aim to do so by the time i reach 25. :/ serious. good luck sourcing for a publisher in future to me lol.

mannnn, i wish i have the adequate materials >___> whenever i log into dA and see these coloured works i feel like.. smashing the com T_T their copics, colour pencils, paper, pens, ink.. they can pack them in freaking briefcases lah T____T oh yea. ink. CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO DO LINEART PROPERLYYYYY T____T i want tapered lines T___T

and thank you all for missing me X:

278

im always the one lagging behind :/but ah well, staying on and still feeling so enthusiastic till now is quite a major feat accomplished already :D
am starting to like fire lol X: now i know the difference between playing for the sake of playing and playing for a cause. finally. :/

havent started on the skin creating thingy. no time >_> feel like scrapping the idea but..cant bear to >< the layout was going to be so nice ..

back to m.s.n.n.n.n.n.n.n.n! okay, maybe not really, since ill be ingame most of the time :X
any mates in d world come find me pl0xo0rs :D only have 3 now T__T

277

roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~
must reach 3rd job >< test my determination and patience lmao.
feel much better after knowing that my youth aint wasted to that bad an extent lol X:

tried to prevent my mind from wandering by drawing loads and loads and loads of piccys yay! mixed macabre and innocence together :D extreme ends woot

and yea thats it.

still waiting ..waiting.. waiting.

276

fear my ghey updating speed :D
not that im THAT bored or something, but my mood has been changing so fast lol -_-

maple is my saviour! pq is my saviour x2! why the sudden change? because..I NEED TO FREAKING COMMUNICATE OMG -_-
im bursting already, all the thoughts and feelings locked inside me is creating so much chaos, heart pain ah..literally.

holidays lasting for a month, was satan behind this or something -_- whoever had this idea of squashing holidays together, damn you damn you damn you -_-

im behaving like an extreme anti social nut lah, locking myself in a room with no decent privacy at the very least. yea i know, whenever im out of that room everyone will flood it to explore -_- my god. im looking at my phone now lol, anyone who msged or called me, sorry -_- its VERY tiring to fight for it lah.. and i still have to keep my cool -_- its like as if im already undergoing training for work already. customer service ftw. so yea, too bad lol

..really, i feel like ..thrashing someone up to vent my frustration -_- my family get to verbally attack me to let the anger out.. but what about me omg T_T if i open my mouth its d-day for me already, sad. money is still the authoring figure in this world :/ no money no talk lol ><

..wow ^^

boring boring boring boring boring
and the best thing is! i asked for it X:

its nearly the start of july.. (:

275

now im the one getting paranoid -.- this exile is way better than dec but it still isnt fun. and after some thinking ytd, i found out that i have strayed from my course of behaving into one seeking revenge omg -.-

this post if used for ranting, dont tell me youre not warned
hem.
and since i know this blog gets monitored every now and then..lets start from here. *at least cover your tracks properly when checking lah please >_>*

stop writing on my artworks god dammit you know they require effort and time one leh tmd
you think pulling out my sketchbooks and art pieces and then writing on it with INK is so eye pleasing ahhh
not as if our house has a lack of paper -.-
dont think i wont bear to shred it if its written on my artworks :/ ..well yes i cant bear to but i can always stack them somewhere and freaking ignore right -.- be glad the ones you took arent those i really like, or ill go livid already.

andddddd... ... ... heh.
most of the tricks are thought up by myself :/ yea since last year. meaning that im the one leading this conflict actually :/ now you know who to blame.

hmm btw, had a weird dream today, which reminded me that ill never see my cousins again if i leave :/ heart pain pain pain pain pain ><

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im not dead :/
lol just feel like telling this to everyone, donk ask me why

if anyone of you dare forget me during this period of time, i wont forgive you T___T
its boring enough being stuck at this house already lah, if i see the same situation in school i think ima get wrinkles already.

hell, everyone is returning home at midnight :/ and everyone is facing the same shit from parents LOL. this month is bad for us 16 year olds i guess :/

but i kinda welcome this actually lah, im actually thinking about the future omg yay, planning a LOT of stuff already. then when school starts ill go consult my new favourite teacher *lol* and do my research ^^

lets just hope no surprise twists will come by again :/ and that everyone will continue to stay sane :D

pl0x