almost strangled myself in my sleep wahaha. i dunno why, but i woke up feeling choked and there was my jacket, wounded arnoud my neck. O:
i got my phone back. yay.
everything seems fine on the friends side. heng. i was so damn worried.. but i guess.. its all over :D we can always talk on our resting time in msn ah, no matter what game we're playing. hah. i only realised it yesterday. even better, stop gaming and learn guitar with me >_> then we progress to electric O: somehow. wahaha.
aiming for HIO. or -20s. im very competitive, too bad not in the academics side. but at least i still am. >]
found myself wondering about sec4 prom night LOL. and its still 2006 la. i think.. i die die wont go de. even tho it sounds very the nice.
found out my sis kept using acash even tho she doesnt FREAKING NEED IT. and everytime i saw her shes wasting it away. damn. i could have used it so nicely. the more i see the more pissed i feel. ah well. i dun wan use so much cash anw, in case i stop pangya for duno wad reasons again. must be careful.
and ..thats about it. got my tuition cher to go through the maths hmwk..and anyhw did eng. haha. the rest i give up ler. i swear science got leh. physics or something..
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
-38-
post got lost in the system, need to retype. hahaha. amusing. ill cut things short. lazy retype the full page of words.
was telling everyone not to tag at my blog for the time being. stay away from the tagboard. O: appreciated.
anddddddddd, ive nothing to say. it might look like im defeated but im not. ill be the coldest person i can be. and since ive paid dearly for my actions, its time for you all to follow suit. im willing to put my life on the line, so i can see that this is not a quick war to fight. >]
alrighty, i shall end here. dont want say too much..no matter how serious things got to, ill control and stop my fingers. O:
was telling everyone not to tag at my blog for the time being. stay away from the tagboard. O: appreciated.
anddddddddd, ive nothing to say. it might look like im defeated but im not. ill be the coldest person i can be. and since ive paid dearly for my actions, its time for you all to follow suit. im willing to put my life on the line, so i can see that this is not a quick war to fight. >]
alrighty, i shall end here. dont want say too much..no matter how serious things got to, ill control and stop my fingers. O:
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
-37-
i guess this is Part II of post 36 lol. and after thinking abit about this.. only one word comes to mind.
CHEY.
i sorted out everything, but im still pissed :/
but to say the truth, shes just a small kid with a big mouth for lying. harmless.
now that the truth is out, im pretty sure that either she had a skiving PI , or she doesnt even have one, or shes lying again. yawn.
plus, its not just me, my whole family has a rebellious streak in us. bwahaha.
we can continue the game if she want~
bwahaha.
the idea of it was so freaking funny can. that call can win oscar award liao. sheesh. nearly fell for it again. heng i cleared my mind and decided to sneer at it instead. drama sia.
- -'
i feel very the unaffected lol. got over it in like.. 8 hours of sleep. but my parents do have smth to say, will stick to MSN to tell ltr. they are as amused as me.
ha.
ok, life's back to being boring. sad.
CHEY.
i sorted out everything, but im still pissed :/
but to say the truth, shes just a small kid with a big mouth for lying. harmless.
now that the truth is out, im pretty sure that either she had a skiving PI , or she doesnt even have one, or shes lying again. yawn.
plus, its not just me, my whole family has a rebellious streak in us. bwahaha.
we can continue the game if she want~
bwahaha.
the idea of it was so freaking funny can. that call can win oscar award liao. sheesh. nearly fell for it again. heng i cleared my mind and decided to sneer at it instead. drama sia.
- -'
i feel very the unaffected lol. got over it in like.. 8 hours of sleep. but my parents do have smth to say, will stick to MSN to tell ltr. they are as amused as me.
ha.
ok, life's back to being boring. sad.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
-36-
ok, its 12 midnight, and im FUCKING PISSED. TMD. CANT EVEN SLEEP.
my mum finally told me the WHOLE CONTENTS OF THE CALL.
SINCE WHEN DID I STEAL PPL BF?! ok lor, you jealous, i close one eye.
HOW CAN YOU FUCKING FRAME THE INNOCENT!! walau. good lor you, must wait until i break le.. wait until i at the saddest moment then you come start the prank call. good la. make people naturally suspect the one i broke with. ADD RED HERRINGS SOMEMORE LA, AMKSS DE RIGHT~ EH? prank call back anyone who called your phone?! gawd. how low-down can you get , whoever you are?
im ok for my side, wan call jiu call lor. but the more i think about the framing issue the more irritated i get. want get me jiu lai la! drag in innocent people for what?! tmd.. even if you didnt mean it, IM STILL PISSED. if i ever find out that ure in my school.. im gunna thrash you sia. verbally, physically, whatever. i want you to pay back twice the pain ive suffered. pay back twice the tears i cried over it.
ARGH. when i first got the news, something in me shattered sia. really.
when i was figuring out who did it, i always clear you de leh. trusted you. T-T really lol. ure one of the closest friends ive got. and i ended up .. suspecting the people who really.. hai. i know its not ur fault la.. it was that jealous -girlfriend- of yours. but .. you did tell her everything i told you right.. or else how come she know all these details de.. im still very very blur. but im guessing from whatever info i have now lol.
):
why?
feel betrayed sia.
why didnt i notice the change in attitude whenever i bring up the issue.. why why why?! overlooked.. ><>
god. i give up on this school. i give up. nothing ever goes right for me. i should have went to MSS. joined my pri sch friends. had company. grew up happy. im already relying on the virtual world to get rid of my loneliness, and now you people are still taking away my real life friends from me. ):
lao tian ye ah~ does making me feel so wretched bring you satisfaction and happiness? answer me pl0x. why your jokes all not funny de. why aint i laughing. :/
im dreading school.. still need settle the maple issue.. tiring.. very very tiring.
i wan forfeit this game T-T wheres in Esc button in my life?
my mum finally told me the WHOLE CONTENTS OF THE CALL.
SINCE WHEN DID I STEAL PPL BF?! ok lor, you jealous, i close one eye.
HOW CAN YOU FUCKING FRAME THE INNOCENT!! walau. good lor you, must wait until i break le.. wait until i at the saddest moment then you come start the prank call. good la. make people naturally suspect the one i broke with. ADD RED HERRINGS SOMEMORE LA, AMKSS DE RIGHT~ EH? prank call back anyone who called your phone?! gawd. how low-down can you get , whoever you are?
im ok for my side, wan call jiu call lor. but the more i think about the framing issue the more irritated i get. want get me jiu lai la! drag in innocent people for what?! tmd.. even if you didnt mean it, IM STILL PISSED. if i ever find out that ure in my school.. im gunna thrash you sia. verbally, physically, whatever. i want you to pay back twice the pain ive suffered. pay back twice the tears i cried over it.
ARGH. when i first got the news, something in me shattered sia. really.
when i was figuring out who did it, i always clear you de leh. trusted you. T-T really lol. ure one of the closest friends ive got. and i ended up .. suspecting the people who really.. hai. i know its not ur fault la.. it was that jealous -girlfriend- of yours. but .. you did tell her everything i told you right.. or else how come she know all these details de.. im still very very blur. but im guessing from whatever info i have now lol.
):
why?
feel betrayed sia.
why didnt i notice the change in attitude whenever i bring up the issue.. why why why?! overlooked.. ><>
god. i give up on this school. i give up. nothing ever goes right for me. i should have went to MSS. joined my pri sch friends. had company. grew up happy. im already relying on the virtual world to get rid of my loneliness, and now you people are still taking away my real life friends from me. ):
lao tian ye ah~ does making me feel so wretched bring you satisfaction and happiness? answer me pl0x. why your jokes all not funny de. why aint i laughing. :/
im dreading school.. still need settle the maple issue.. tiring.. very very tiring.
i wan forfeit this game T-T wheres in Esc button in my life?
-35-
hmmm... not a good day.. lol. or rather.. ytd night.
forced to stay awake since prolly 3~4am.. leg pain dao~ dunno what the heck happened to it ah.. just suddenly the pain came back.. its supposed to fade at abt.. 9pm ytd de. plus the additions of nightmares which DIDNT end even after i woke up. ...ok it ended but.. i kept recalling scenes. scary..
these days quite sian lol. msn is dead, DEAD. no ones online de. nebermind. humph. go on ur hols, go play ur games~ i shall do the same x: bwahaha.
ill update if i see anything update-worthy later on. -7.55am-
my future.. seems..so..bleak. really got nothing interesting to do sia.
or maybe its just the rain. ):
stuff hmwk, i give up doing it.
sian.
-update-
sad. sadsadsad. the road just never seems to freaking end. ill be satisfied enough if i can at least see it twisting to a side or something, but this is not.
THE ROAD IM ON IS FREAKING STRAIGHT CAN.
every single step i walk.. i see the same thing. dry grass, sand, sun, cacti(?) haha. was picturing a desert.
and. i found out where i made all the mistakes. haha.. i just wanted to know a person more.. and thats it. but in sec2, my puny mind misintepreted all these overwhelming bits of data.. and mistook it as love. haha..
sec3, ok, no comments, tho i swear i improved from sec2. seriously.
sec4, we shall see (: ill bet my piggy bank + 40 cents that ill be in no mood for these stuff anymore lol. hell, slacking and stoning is way easier than this. but i admit that its quite lonely la. haha.. ill cope, ill cope. going out with friends -for once- should do the trick. if they are even free, that is. haha. guys got soccer, girls got CCA, ex-shattered ppl.. nah. ):
ah well. be optimistic.
btw~ psp pwns. im going to edit my own pict there soon. haha..
forced to stay awake since prolly 3~4am.. leg pain dao~ dunno what the heck happened to it ah.. just suddenly the pain came back.. its supposed to fade at abt.. 9pm ytd de. plus the additions of nightmares which DIDNT end even after i woke up. ...ok it ended but.. i kept recalling scenes. scary..
these days quite sian lol. msn is dead, DEAD. no ones online de. nebermind. humph. go on ur hols, go play ur games~ i shall do the same x: bwahaha.
ill update if i see anything update-worthy later on. -7.55am-
my future.. seems..so..bleak. really got nothing interesting to do sia.
or maybe its just the rain. ):
stuff hmwk, i give up doing it.
sian.
-update-
sad. sadsadsad. the road just never seems to freaking end. ill be satisfied enough if i can at least see it twisting to a side or something, but this is not.
THE ROAD IM ON IS FREAKING STRAIGHT CAN.
every single step i walk.. i see the same thing. dry grass, sand, sun, cacti(?) haha. was picturing a desert.
and. i found out where i made all the mistakes. haha.. i just wanted to know a person more.. and thats it. but in sec2, my puny mind misintepreted all these overwhelming bits of data.. and mistook it as love. haha..
sec3, ok, no comments, tho i swear i improved from sec2. seriously.
sec4, we shall see (: ill bet my piggy bank + 40 cents that ill be in no mood for these stuff anymore lol. hell, slacking and stoning is way easier than this. but i admit that its quite lonely la. haha.. ill cope, ill cope. going out with friends -for once- should do the trick. if they are even free, that is. haha. guys got soccer, girls got CCA, ex-shattered ppl.. nah. ):
ah well. be optimistic.
btw~ psp pwns. im going to edit my own pict there soon. haha..
Monday, December 25, 2006
-34-
whos the cb kia who invented algebra manipulation and indices...?!! -___-''
god. i found my maths wb -reluctantly- and did a few sums. haha. 15 out of hundreds of questions later, i chucked the whole thing away and started to focus on my music -.- dont have much time, i know lol. going to focus on Eng first.. sot reminded me that ms kaur is scary. Maths.. KNS LA. anyhow copy. or dont do at all. -.- the most demerit nia. or i beg my tuition cher to help in the last sat i have this year. heh. last resort.
btw, during my game drifting journeys..
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g162/pencilspam/pangya.jpg
i did a toma~ :D First time can. wow wow wow. no pots consumed :D hmm. too bad im not playing this game for long. was starting to grow an attachment to it. haha.. random ol golfing. ill never forget that person sia.. -not the one in ss- she actually scolded herself for not pangya-ing and giving us angel bonus. gosh. wearing angel set is bad. x: stress can.
sad. ran outta songs to play sia.
SOMEONE TEACH ME SOMETHING LEH T-T KEEP ME PREOCCUPIED!! hurhurhur.
god. i found my maths wb -reluctantly- and did a few sums. haha. 15 out of hundreds of questions later, i chucked the whole thing away and started to focus on my music -.- dont have much time, i know lol. going to focus on Eng first.. sot reminded me that ms kaur is scary. Maths.. KNS LA. anyhow copy. or dont do at all. -.- the most demerit nia. or i beg my tuition cher to help in the last sat i have this year. heh. last resort.
btw, during my game drifting journeys..
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g162/pencilspam/pangya.jpg
i did a toma~ :D First time can. wow wow wow. no pots consumed :D hmm. too bad im not playing this game for long. was starting to grow an attachment to it. haha.. random ol golfing. ill never forget that person sia.. -not the one in ss- she actually scolded herself for not pangya-ing and giving us angel bonus. gosh. wearing angel set is bad. x: stress can.
sad. ran outta songs to play sia.
SOMEONE TEACH ME SOMETHING LEH T-T KEEP ME PREOCCUPIED!! hurhurhur.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
-33-
i hate to admit it, but i just respected my sis a little more than last time lol. a little. -.-
considering how badly i thrashed her.. (eh, she BIT me. hard. its fair.) a few days before ..and after a few hours, we were back to being chummy friends. i even helped her got over the phobia of division. yes~ im a great tutor! bwahaha. im shameless. but today we thrashed each other again. wonder how long will it take for her to break the ice again lol.
anw~ the earholes i got in K2.. or issit K1.. nearly closed up ytd.. -.- i was wondering how long i didnt wear earrings ler.. then i walked over to mirror.. HOLY COW! its nearly gone lol. i took the thickest studs i can find and just stuffed it in. first its pain, then a kinda numbness set in.. but the pain is still there. esp in left ear. haha..since 80% of my ears are covered in injuries.. bobian. i think i opened up a wound when i was putting that stud in ba. hai. beauty = pain. haha.
hmm. regarding the issue, id figured i shd use this space instead of the tag. or im gunna flood the board lol.
i dont mind having you in my life, you were and still are a worthy friend. but that wont make any difference..i still cant find you, play with you, talk to you etc etc etc. its going to be hell for you sia. this is beyond my control ler...
i reached this decision because i -maybe- knew something more than you did. i wont say im disgusted by the info, i just had a really negative view towards it. made me quite dispirited. btw its reliable lol. came outta my mum's mouth. she wont lie, no matter how badly she was hurt by me. guranteed. i was sitting on the fence all the time.. and this just pushed me to the other side.
i dunno whether im going the right or wrong way. but i dont really care now lol. i just know that if i go on im gonna go mental liao..everytime i open fridge and see the candy cane ill go sad sia. more specifically, guilty. till now still cant bear to eat. hah. so i got myself a final decision to ease the bad feelings inside. tadaa. anw.. back on topic~
step back for a moment ba.. i can only use words.. the decision still lies in you lol. its not worth it.. to have a relationship that will leave everybody scarred and hurt.. for both you and me lol. a relationship that you know wont be lasting de. even if all these never happened.. what will happen in the next few weeks? months? years? have to face this ending.. no matter how much time has passed. for our case, the ending came ler. maybe its really too early, but its not up to us to control.
so yea. i cant force you to change the way youre thinking.. but ill try to dissuade. saw a lot of people suffering in this kinda situations. dont be the next victim.. its really mentally tiring de. not fun at all..
considering how badly i thrashed her.. (eh, she BIT me. hard. its fair.) a few days before ..and after a few hours, we were back to being chummy friends. i even helped her got over the phobia of division. yes~ im a great tutor! bwahaha. im shameless. but today we thrashed each other again. wonder how long will it take for her to break the ice again lol.
anw~ the earholes i got in K2.. or issit K1.. nearly closed up ytd.. -.- i was wondering how long i didnt wear earrings ler.. then i walked over to mirror.. HOLY COW! its nearly gone lol. i took the thickest studs i can find and just stuffed it in. first its pain, then a kinda numbness set in.. but the pain is still there. esp in left ear. haha..since 80% of my ears are covered in injuries.. bobian. i think i opened up a wound when i was putting that stud in ba. hai. beauty = pain. haha.
hmm. regarding the issue, id figured i shd use this space instead of the tag. or im gunna flood the board lol.
i dont mind having you in my life, you were and still are a worthy friend. but that wont make any difference..i still cant find you, play with you, talk to you etc etc etc. its going to be hell for you sia. this is beyond my control ler...
i reached this decision because i -maybe- knew something more than you did. i wont say im disgusted by the info, i just had a really negative view towards it. made me quite dispirited. btw its reliable lol. came outta my mum's mouth. she wont lie, no matter how badly she was hurt by me. guranteed. i was sitting on the fence all the time.. and this just pushed me to the other side.
i dunno whether im going the right or wrong way. but i dont really care now lol. i just know that if i go on im gonna go mental liao..everytime i open fridge and see the candy cane ill go sad sia. more specifically, guilty. till now still cant bear to eat. hah. so i got myself a final decision to ease the bad feelings inside. tadaa. anw.. back on topic~
step back for a moment ba.. i can only use words.. the decision still lies in you lol. its not worth it.. to have a relationship that will leave everybody scarred and hurt.. for both you and me lol. a relationship that you know wont be lasting de. even if all these never happened.. what will happen in the next few weeks? months? years? have to face this ending.. no matter how much time has passed. for our case, the ending came ler. maybe its really too early, but its not up to us to control.
so yea. i cant force you to change the way youre thinking.. but ill try to dissuade. saw a lot of people suffering in this kinda situations. dont be the next victim.. its really mentally tiring de. not fun at all..
Saturday, December 23, 2006
-32-
):
i havent touched my homework, my CA project, my JI presentation, my preparations for Olvl's CS coursework. and im so not going to look at the calendar.
i dont understand guys lol. not from my sch de. -.- as in.. guys older than me. that seems to be the case. lol. almost every single one i met ..doesnt mind unreciprocated love. and are currently involved in it. they will go on.. wishing.. wishing.. wishing.. for a miracle to happen. or something.
they wrote poems.. worries the whole day away.. blah blah blah..
hell, wont that be tiring?
why do they do that? whats their driving force? what will they get in the end? sometimes i have the urge to just .. type out a frank word or something in MSN.. but seeing how obsessed they are with the female.. i backed down and gave support lol. not that i disapprove of such acts..
but sometimes the pain is just too much to bear. why suffer from it when a way out is.. standing right in front of you? will you really be sure that she will be the one to walk the final road of your life with you? are you sure that she IS the one? no? then why the heck are you people.. straining your emotions.. worrying about something you should not wory about..?
sometimes there are things more important than love.. its just that you people chose to ignore its existance.. or chose to deem it useless.. or just didnt see it at all.
its time to step back and look at the big picture...
see what you have missed...
(:
i havent touched my homework, my CA project, my JI presentation, my preparations for Olvl's CS coursework. and im so not going to look at the calendar.
i dont understand guys lol. not from my sch de. -.- as in.. guys older than me. that seems to be the case. lol. almost every single one i met ..doesnt mind unreciprocated love. and are currently involved in it. they will go on.. wishing.. wishing.. wishing.. for a miracle to happen. or something.
they wrote poems.. worries the whole day away.. blah blah blah..
hell, wont that be tiring?
why do they do that? whats their driving force? what will they get in the end? sometimes i have the urge to just .. type out a frank word or something in MSN.. but seeing how obsessed they are with the female.. i backed down and gave support lol. not that i disapprove of such acts..
but sometimes the pain is just too much to bear. why suffer from it when a way out is.. standing right in front of you? will you really be sure that she will be the one to walk the final road of your life with you? are you sure that she IS the one? no? then why the heck are you people.. straining your emotions.. worrying about something you should not wory about..?
sometimes there are things more important than love.. its just that you people chose to ignore its existance.. or chose to deem it useless.. or just didnt see it at all.
its time to step back and look at the big picture...
see what you have missed...
(:
Friday, December 22, 2006
-31-
sian dao go do quiz lol. the ans kinda shocked me. every quiz i go.. they gimme the character Chi as result de. guess Chobits is a common victim for quiz answers. bwahaha.
*Your true form is....Mysterious. She's calm and quiet, and moves quick. You have a job as a shrine maiden. you're clairvoyant,but can't fully access your powers for another two years.
Shrine maiden wtf! no comments. but i do wish that i really had magic powers lol. zap and .. everything is solved for me. ill just sit and slack, and continue being the lousy person that i am~
--
lurked in a forum and found a nice site containing almost *every* genre of music. it got interactive GUI de summore. wtf. pwnt. i found latin + goth.. not bad actually. Not sad to a sappy kinda style, not defiant to those kinda rebellious feel. and its not happy themed. very dark, melancholic..not for people who loves the spotlight. bwahaha.
i have a weakness for those latin beats.. techno.. rock.. goth.. but sadly no mainstream pop -.- am i that different.
*Moby - In My Heart! D: it was in that radio ad lol. found it in that site. dont like it much tho.*
saw that im not the only one who trusted online-turned-real-life-friends more than normal real life friends. haha. maybe normal rl ppl.. we took each other for granted. online turned rl.. understood each other first.. and worked on it from there. so lesser quarrels and tiffs arose, for they did the basics first lol. most rl ppl is like.. just jump into friendship de. and understand each other from every difference they encounter during the journey. id prefer virtual ones then , thank you very much. tho rl friends are not bad also, but its just a matter of choice what.. i guess im standing on the middle ..and leaning slightly towards virtual. x:
another nice quote..
*And everything could be over, all these nightmares
But that was all it took to undo all my efforts
Nevermind, I'll try again
Time is on my side.
):
gosh. maybe im really that bad apple ): thats why everything seems rotten to me ): what can i do, isolate myself again? or get help and cut out the bad side of me? if so, who would help? why should they? how can they help? if im isolating.. where am i escaping to this time round? for how long? what will happen to me in the end?
choices, choices.
IF ONLY LIFE HAS CHEAT CODES! if only.
lost lor. everyone seems to be busy with their stuff. except me. maybe i should go learn something too. and say goodbye to this hermit-ish lifestyle? cant slack anymore..? ):
i feel like im ..standing in a deep deep well... with water rising every single second. and theres a rope right in front of me..i can just grab it can climb out. but the problem is.. i dont know how. -.-ill slide down with every step i try to take. maybe ill die in this watery grave, maybe i wont. i dont know the answer. but i do know.. im all alone in this well. ): maybe i hear people shouting at me from the top.. but all their faint shouts and calls are not helping..
*Your true form is....Mysterious. She's calm and quiet, and moves quick. You have a job as a shrine maiden. you're clairvoyant,but can't fully access your powers for another two years.
Shrine maiden wtf! no comments. but i do wish that i really had magic powers lol. zap and .. everything is solved for me. ill just sit and slack, and continue being the lousy person that i am~
--
lurked in a forum and found a nice site containing almost *every* genre of music. it got interactive GUI de summore. wtf. pwnt. i found latin + goth.. not bad actually. Not sad to a sappy kinda style, not defiant to those kinda rebellious feel. and its not happy themed. very dark, melancholic..not for people who loves the spotlight. bwahaha.
i have a weakness for those latin beats.. techno.. rock.. goth.. but sadly no mainstream pop -.- am i that different.
*Moby - In My Heart! D: it was in that radio ad lol. found it in that site. dont like it much tho.*
saw that im not the only one who trusted online-turned-real-life-friends more than normal real life friends. haha. maybe normal rl ppl.. we took each other for granted. online turned rl.. understood each other first.. and worked on it from there. so lesser quarrels and tiffs arose, for they did the basics first lol. most rl ppl is like.. just jump into friendship de. and understand each other from every difference they encounter during the journey. id prefer virtual ones then , thank you very much. tho rl friends are not bad also, but its just a matter of choice what.. i guess im standing on the middle ..and leaning slightly towards virtual. x:
another nice quote..
*And everything could be over, all these nightmares
But that was all it took to undo all my efforts
Nevermind, I'll try again
Time is on my side.
):
gosh. maybe im really that bad apple ): thats why everything seems rotten to me ): what can i do, isolate myself again? or get help and cut out the bad side of me? if so, who would help? why should they? how can they help? if im isolating.. where am i escaping to this time round? for how long? what will happen to me in the end?
choices, choices.
IF ONLY LIFE HAS CHEAT CODES! if only.
lost lor. everyone seems to be busy with their stuff. except me. maybe i should go learn something too. and say goodbye to this hermit-ish lifestyle? cant slack anymore..? ):
i feel like im ..standing in a deep deep well... with water rising every single second. and theres a rope right in front of me..i can just grab it can climb out. but the problem is.. i dont know how. -.-ill slide down with every step i try to take. maybe ill die in this watery grave, maybe i wont. i dont know the answer. but i do know.. im all alone in this well. ): maybe i hear people shouting at me from the top.. but all their faint shouts and calls are not helping..
Thursday, December 21, 2006
-30-
ooookay, its not totally fixed yet. i cannot see my tagboard and links -.- cant tag cant blog surf. ah well. maybe it will get fixed or something. later. - edit: ok,found it. graphics pushed it down. too big lol. its at the btm right side of my blog. it will be fixed when the post containing the sigs are pushed down~ im lazy to edit x: -
im now trying to get myself as busy as possible lawl. its the unhealthy way of forgetting stuff but at least im trying. the only way to prevent my thoughts from going elsewhere lol. blast music and train hardcore. yay. hmmm. hai.
i think too much = mentally tired
i play too much = physically tired
hahaha.duno wad will happen if i think and play at same time. implode diao liao.
ANDDDD tadaa~
MN is 100% + 1% in my care~ hail the administrator of a dead and almost useless forum! im freaking going to twist it and change its fate if i have the chance lol. a very very very big IF.
--
this song kept popping up on the radios -.- dunno who sang it, but its eerily.. similar to my thoughts lol.
*I know this is a wonderful world,
but i just cant feel it right now.
I thought i was doing well,
but i just want to cry now.
hmmm... getting me to laugh from the btm of my heart is impossible la.. but ive never really did. in my house, that is. which makes me wonder.. how come the words they used to describe me last time is ..at extreme opp ends with my own. i very cheerful last time meh. .___.''
my daydreams are changing again lol. abit cant bear actually. i had the same dreams for months. but this is ..less violent ba. heng.
going into delph again later, i dunno lol. maybe im just trying to work myself to death. bwahaha. but im desperate for 3rd job. d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e. haha. ill wait.. sooner or later.. everything will go back to being the same ler. boss, me... but not kenny. hai. audition ah..
i thought ill have to leave boss alone.. and now.. -.- its kenny's turn.
feel like a flitterer la -.- flit here flit there. forced to be a butterfly. leave friends here, find friends there.. -.- wrecked by guilt.
and btw, another lesson learned. dont eat ice cubes in this kind of sai weather. i ate one only.. then tio stomachache ler. stuck on bed. -.- 1hr. then suddenly.. POWER CUTOFF!!! no electricity~ i was like omfg.. no radio no com no lights!
feel so.. small. stuck in this lego house, cut off from the world. im really sick sia. no com no life.
im now trying to get myself as busy as possible lawl. its the unhealthy way of forgetting stuff but at least im trying. the only way to prevent my thoughts from going elsewhere lol. blast music and train hardcore. yay. hmmm. hai.
i think too much = mentally tired
i play too much = physically tired
hahaha.duno wad will happen if i think and play at same time. implode diao liao.
ANDDDD tadaa~
MN is 100% + 1% in my care~ hail the administrator of a dead and almost useless forum! im freaking going to twist it and change its fate if i have the chance lol. a very very very big IF.
--
this song kept popping up on the radios -.- dunno who sang it, but its eerily.. similar to my thoughts lol.
*I know this is a wonderful world,
but i just cant feel it right now.
I thought i was doing well,
but i just want to cry now.
hmmm... getting me to laugh from the btm of my heart is impossible la.. but ive never really did. in my house, that is. which makes me wonder.. how come the words they used to describe me last time is ..at extreme opp ends with my own. i very cheerful last time meh. .___.''
my daydreams are changing again lol. abit cant bear actually. i had the same dreams for months. but this is ..less violent ba. heng.
going into delph again later, i dunno lol. maybe im just trying to work myself to death. bwahaha. but im desperate for 3rd job. d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e. haha. ill wait.. sooner or later.. everything will go back to being the same ler. boss, me... but not kenny. hai. audition ah..
i thought ill have to leave boss alone.. and now.. -.- its kenny's turn.
feel like a flitterer la -.- flit here flit there. forced to be a butterfly. leave friends here, find friends there.. -.- wrecked by guilt.
and btw, another lesson learned. dont eat ice cubes in this kind of sai weather. i ate one only.. then tio stomachache ler. stuck on bed. -.- 1hr. then suddenly.. POWER CUTOFF!!! no electricity~ i was like omfg.. no radio no com no lights!
feel so.. small. stuck in this lego house, cut off from the world. im really sick sia. no com no life.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
-28-
bwahaha. plan to perfect my photoshop skills in the years to come and make food outta it. (: somehow. ive thought of being media desginers and such, or ill be a webmistress and open my own shop, OR ill maintain websites for a company -i forgot what job name it is- hahaha. 1 more year.. to working. ouch. no more sitting-in-front-of-the-desk-and-tinkering-with-the-keyboard ler. hah. for ill get a laptop. (;
is there anyone who can teach me photoshop~ right now i can only create styles by chance lol. i feel like controlling the program and making it work for me.. instead of me changing my styles just for it..
--
mistaken lawl. its not dead, the thread. heart warming. suddenly felt like returning. and maybe throw in a few apologies. but ..nah. ill lurk awhile more.. and see. hah. anyone willing to suffer with me -.- delph, boots. delph got more ppl for company lol. but boots.. lv high. in my view. :/ but guild's deader than dead. delph..muahahaha. either either a priest or.. xbow. priest easy lv.. xbow is power..hmm. my past has been catching up with me. everything ive escaped from is back and staring at me lol. i thought i wld be able to forget all my mistakes but.. look whats happened now. hahaha.. maplenation too. damn.
is there anyone who can teach me photoshop~ right now i can only create styles by chance lol. i feel like controlling the program and making it work for me.. instead of me changing my styles just for it..
--
mistaken lawl. its not dead, the thread. heart warming. suddenly felt like returning. and maybe throw in a few apologies. but ..nah. ill lurk awhile more.. and see. hah. anyone willing to suffer with me -.- delph, boots. delph got more ppl for company lol. but boots.. lv high. in my view. :/ but guild's deader than dead. delph..muahahaha. either either a priest or.. xbow. priest easy lv.. xbow is power..hmm. my past has been catching up with me. everything ive escaped from is back and staring at me lol. i thought i wld be able to forget all my mistakes but.. look whats happened now. hahaha.. maplenation too. damn.
Monday, December 18, 2006
-27-
haha, new found respect for chinese rock songs. plus designers. these few days of random surfing really opened my opened my eyes. bwahaha. i still miss my audition tho. i think im going to spam this sentence in every post till i get back my dear ol audi back.
i found out smth! blood got the funny blood-ish taste eh? but when you roll it towards the back of your tongue its bitter! dun have the sour-ish taste de. haha. discovered it by chance. probably smth to do with the taste buds. read it somewhere but didnt try it with blood.
was wondering.. what if i continued with my violin lessons..? what if i continued with my fighting lessons..? what will happen to me? zomg, i gave up chances to stand in the spotlight! and here i am, staring daggers at the high heavens. maybe i really deserved this. i simply lack determination to get what i wanted --'' obstacles = end of journey for me. i could be a freaking black belt or violist now sia. hm. correct spelling ma~ zz. then i could walk the corridors of sch with no fear le. maybe even got pride. hah. zz.
also felt so small whenever im talking with my friend. he knows everything can -.- cant stump him. or am i really that dumb? hai. brushing up on my manga/ anime knowledge lol. reading and researching. sian dao lidat, you see!! last time i only depend on friend and trends de -.- but its also nice, i need picts for my siggy. ah well. back to max-ing the volume of jay chou music and random surfing again~
---
mid day was scary -.- got a terrible stomach ache.. then went to sleep. woke up after a super bad nightmare. and you think thats bad. the moment i totally opened my eyes, there they were. yadda yadda yadda.
lesson noted:
never talk to them face to face. its all useless trash talk that they dont mean. want listen jiu catch them off guard. haha.
i was laughing to myself in the bed all the way .. lol. all the lies i spout.. they didnt catch me. all the truths i said, they were using it to weave other stories of their own and slam the crap outta me. so in a bad way, i AM a good liar. wahaha. but its ok. ill maintain my silence. since only i know the truth, only i know the story, it shall stay with me forever. im LAZY to clear up this mess. haha. if you want you can slog over it, but im already walking away from everything. youre clearing the floor for nobody, man. if everything failed, i still would like to keep my successes to myself. oh yes. my thinking worked. i knew my blog still aint safe. hahaha. i knew it. nothing will stop them. their arrogance is their weakest point to strike at, but i wont. haha. im twisting the morals of the stories i guess. im contented in the evil way. (: i finally got it lol. treating them is just like you would treat -some of- your ex(s).. never ever.. do the stuff they expect. show them they aint that impt in your life anymore. for they know nothing. they cant predict it. im freaking wayyyyy calmner then anyone, be it on the outside or inside. and im happy. i feel so .. on top of everything.
makes me wonder. why am I doing this? revenge? or just fulfilling my wish to bring hell to everyone? hahaha. but from what i know, im already over everything. i just chose to stay into this matter.. hm. for what. just to screw everyones' emotions up. bwahaha. maybe im really crazy, maybe i lack brains, maybe im just too cold hearted to give a damn about feelings of other people, but i dont give two hoots abt it. these few years is the rebellious stage of my life. (: to put it bluntly. DEAL WITH IT. sheesh. you think youre the worst off? please. ive seen people getting in much more worse cases than this.
i AM venting all my anger and hate ive gotten these past few years on you ppl. and i doubt im stopping. i cant. sad. bad luck for you people i guess. maybe you owed me something in my past life, or maybe i did. you triggered it. you HAVE to. theres no other choice for you. its your duty. so i can only say, too bad. too bad.
im supposed to be all sad and droopy over this matter. but im not. haha. bev would have been proud of this. yay, im stronger than before le! but in a very very very bad way, i know. but i dont care man, im stronger! hah!
my mistakes last time was to keep on trying to get them to know which is the truth, and ive gotten all sad and scarred from it. this time, ive been wiser. you cant be that stubborn and smush everything into people by force. thats what they always say anyway. haha. ''you are too damn fucking stubborn to be able to survive in the work force.'' maybe they are right! haha. ok then. i change. now i keep the truth to myself. weave your stories for all i care, i wont listen anymore.. for i am the one with the real answers, not them. im the one who went through this. and i only realised it now. IM the trump card. hahaha.. i wont be sad. ill just laugh.
what do you call it, entertainment. (: the dark way.
pardon me for being rebellious, but im just going by nature's way.
hahaha...
i found out smth! blood got the funny blood-ish taste eh? but when you roll it towards the back of your tongue its bitter! dun have the sour-ish taste de. haha. discovered it by chance. probably smth to do with the taste buds. read it somewhere but didnt try it with blood.
was wondering.. what if i continued with my violin lessons..? what if i continued with my fighting lessons..? what will happen to me? zomg, i gave up chances to stand in the spotlight! and here i am, staring daggers at the high heavens. maybe i really deserved this. i simply lack determination to get what i wanted --'' obstacles = end of journey for me. i could be a freaking black belt or violist now sia. hm. correct spelling ma~ zz. then i could walk the corridors of sch with no fear le. maybe even got pride. hah. zz.
also felt so small whenever im talking with my friend. he knows everything can -.- cant stump him. or am i really that dumb? hai. brushing up on my manga/ anime knowledge lol. reading and researching. sian dao lidat, you see!! last time i only depend on friend and trends de -.- but its also nice, i need picts for my siggy. ah well. back to max-ing the volume of jay chou music and random surfing again~
---
mid day was scary -.- got a terrible stomach ache.. then went to sleep. woke up after a super bad nightmare. and you think thats bad. the moment i totally opened my eyes, there they were. yadda yadda yadda.
lesson noted:
never talk to them face to face. its all useless trash talk that they dont mean. want listen jiu catch them off guard. haha.
i was laughing to myself in the bed all the way .. lol. all the lies i spout.. they didnt catch me. all the truths i said, they were using it to weave other stories of their own and slam the crap outta me. so in a bad way, i AM a good liar. wahaha. but its ok. ill maintain my silence. since only i know the truth, only i know the story, it shall stay with me forever. im LAZY to clear up this mess. haha. if you want you can slog over it, but im already walking away from everything. youre clearing the floor for nobody, man. if everything failed, i still would like to keep my successes to myself. oh yes. my thinking worked. i knew my blog still aint safe. hahaha. i knew it. nothing will stop them. their arrogance is their weakest point to strike at, but i wont. haha. im twisting the morals of the stories i guess. im contented in the evil way. (: i finally got it lol. treating them is just like you would treat -some of- your ex(s).. never ever.. do the stuff they expect. show them they aint that impt in your life anymore. for they know nothing. they cant predict it. im freaking wayyyyy calmner then anyone, be it on the outside or inside. and im happy. i feel so .. on top of everything.
makes me wonder. why am I doing this? revenge? or just fulfilling my wish to bring hell to everyone? hahaha. but from what i know, im already over everything. i just chose to stay into this matter.. hm. for what. just to screw everyones' emotions up. bwahaha. maybe im really crazy, maybe i lack brains, maybe im just too cold hearted to give a damn about feelings of other people, but i dont give two hoots abt it. these few years is the rebellious stage of my life. (: to put it bluntly. DEAL WITH IT. sheesh. you think youre the worst off? please. ive seen people getting in much more worse cases than this.
i AM venting all my anger and hate ive gotten these past few years on you ppl. and i doubt im stopping. i cant. sad. bad luck for you people i guess. maybe you owed me something in my past life, or maybe i did. you triggered it. you HAVE to. theres no other choice for you. its your duty. so i can only say, too bad. too bad.
im supposed to be all sad and droopy over this matter. but im not. haha. bev would have been proud of this. yay, im stronger than before le! but in a very very very bad way, i know. but i dont care man, im stronger! hah!
my mistakes last time was to keep on trying to get them to know which is the truth, and ive gotten all sad and scarred from it. this time, ive been wiser. you cant be that stubborn and smush everything into people by force. thats what they always say anyway. haha. ''you are too damn fucking stubborn to be able to survive in the work force.'' maybe they are right! haha. ok then. i change. now i keep the truth to myself. weave your stories for all i care, i wont listen anymore.. for i am the one with the real answers, not them. im the one who went through this. and i only realised it now. IM the trump card. hahaha.. i wont be sad. ill just laugh.
what do you call it, entertainment. (: the dark way.
pardon me for being rebellious, but im just going by nature's way.
hahaha...
Sunday, December 17, 2006
-26-
--
ok,its maple. lawl. ill list info when i first get my soul arrow. which will take weeks. cough -it might be only days if i want to chiong - cough. hah. sniper! bang bang.
btw, i officially suck.
when im not busy, im wandering around, thinking how boring life is. i have no goals or whatever. just a wandering soul. then ill be disgusted at myself.
WHEN im busy, i go around slamming myself FOR letting me forget everything i was supposed to worry about. THEN im disgusted. at myself.
..
wtf is this, shan?!
but for now, ill push everything to the back of my mind ba lol. enjoy life while i still can. next years going to be hell. so..im going to go back to chionging.. just for today.. (:
im cutting myself some slack lol. feel guilty for being so selfish .. but heck, i dont have the energy to care anymore lawl.
--
ok, i cant wait :X getting sick of Paint already. MY PICS LOOK SO $%^& PIXELLATED! 27%, photoshop~ kekeke. finally i got smth to tinker arnd for 30 days..instead of forcing myself to play maple lol~ Its the perfect time to see if i really have designing genes or not :x bwahaha. ill be a full fledged forumner, in which, i still dont know. haha.. Maybe ill find a new game or smth, but i doubt its gunna change these few mths. Audition ahh~ wo de
Reminds me of my maple guild. Shattered. and the Virtuafied Operation. walau.. last time we crap tgt 24/7 de lor.. meetings.. playing.. slacking.. now its deader than dead la. -.-
Makes me really really jealous of those 20+ de. lol. i dont know why, but they are ALWAYS successful in having fun and company in whatever games i play de. Maple saw.. Audi..saw.. every game im in..saw!! they even freaking met up during events or go kopitiams la -.- sad can. took photos. hah. im dripping with bitterness and jealousy again lol. will i really become like them when i reach that age? if so.. SOMEONE INVENT TIME MACHINE CAN!?!?!
dying of hunger. but when i ate.. i felt even more hungry lol. heng i managed to force myself to stay on my chair. if not ..these few days..wasted. bleh. these kinda stuff.. cannot turn back de ><
back on topic.. cant keep on steering it away from my mind lol. i think..basically.. its just a matter of realism and fantasy. pick one and tadaa, you will be meeting a new ending. or beginning. damn. -.- its still not bringing me anywhere actually. i want to reside in fantasy, but i know that reality will pull everyone out sooner or later. so its the same sticky end. zz. if only fantasy is the new reality. i always get the feeling that the stupid answer to my question is already right in front of me.. but i cant see it.
maybe its in my dreams... haha. storyline of my dreams change le. still bloody, but .. i suddenly realised smth more lol. i didnt have a family in those dreams. i knew everything i wanted to learn in real life.. yadda yadda.. my friends were all there..its like almost everyone i know was there lol. and the leads were there.. stabbing and slashing away. then the weird thing comes lol. everytime the person lands the killing blow.. always got ppl take blow for me. -.- wtf. wan die in dreams also cannot. ..... summore that sway person and i .. not close at all de .. tho we're related -.- damn his face T-T triggers so much memories.. of all ppl summore. zz. creep.
i deciphered the dreams liao. finally. but ill be keeping it to myself. haha. too sad an affair to share. hai.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
-25-
sian~ so im blogging again lol.
thought abt it for ages. still thinking now. but i guess my mind officially gave up being useful. lawl. drifting everywhere. conflicting advices and view and opinions and ideas and yadda yadda yadda. everything feels so jumbled up. but i dun wan anyone to make up their mind for me. ironic. haiyo. sometimes i really feel that im stupid. but being too clever aint too good also. sometimes its best to stay naive and ..i dunno.. view the world as a purer place. haha. thru my eyes now ah.. the world is very the contaminated. haha. discrimination and ranks. remind me of Kira.
i wan deathnote D: maybe double copies of that book also can D: or make it triple. then any obstacle will be .. exterminated! scribble and -tiew- they drop dead. shuang. too bad i dont have the brains to make full use of it. reminds me of 28 dec. wahaha. deathnote2. sad. cant see le.
EXTREME DIETING IS NICE
Though i dont recommend it lol. these few days i practically starved the crap outta myself. then when i walk over to the mirror.. i dont feel like smashing it anymore. i was like. zomfg, i swear my face is thinner by 2mm!! lawl. im not anorexic, just in case. it was a case of pure determination.
want learn guitar -.- but no chance. am i really that ill fated with music?! feh.
looking arnd for music files and free d/l sites. help appreciated if theres info. i can only find anime song sites. ><
I lurked at maplesource de forums there today~!
Felt abit sad as usual.. memories. got the i-am-ignored-feeling whenever i saw my ex posts. also found out got simi quarrel things going on last time. but.. its not my prob anymore lol. i shd stop troubling myself with old memories. after seeing my posts..felt quite disgusted by the wrong words i said last time. i always hated the old me, even if it was just yesterday. im a perfectionist when it comes to pleasing ppl. i guess. haha.
thought abt it for ages. still thinking now. but i guess my mind officially gave up being useful. lawl. drifting everywhere. conflicting advices and view and opinions and ideas and yadda yadda yadda. everything feels so jumbled up. but i dun wan anyone to make up their mind for me. ironic. haiyo. sometimes i really feel that im stupid. but being too clever aint too good also. sometimes its best to stay naive and ..i dunno.. view the world as a purer place. haha. thru my eyes now ah.. the world is very the contaminated. haha. discrimination and ranks. remind me of Kira.
i wan deathnote D: maybe double copies of that book also can D: or make it triple. then any obstacle will be .. exterminated! scribble and -tiew- they drop dead. shuang. too bad i dont have the brains to make full use of it. reminds me of 28 dec. wahaha. deathnote2. sad. cant see le.
EXTREME DIETING IS NICE
Though i dont recommend it lol. these few days i practically starved the crap outta myself. then when i walk over to the mirror.. i dont feel like smashing it anymore. i was like. zomfg, i swear my face is thinner by 2mm!! lawl. im not anorexic, just in case. it was a case of pure determination.
want learn guitar -.- but no chance. am i really that ill fated with music?! feh.
looking arnd for music files and free d/l sites. help appreciated if theres info. i can only find anime song sites. ><
I lurked at maplesource de forums there today~!
Felt abit sad as usual.. memories. got the i-am-ignored-feeling whenever i saw my ex posts. also found out got simi quarrel things going on last time. but.. its not my prob anymore lol. i shd stop troubling myself with old memories. after seeing my posts..felt quite disgusted by the wrong words i said last time. i always hated the old me, even if it was just yesterday. im a perfectionist when it comes to pleasing ppl. i guess. haha.
-24-
argh. --'' felt breathless today also..wa these few days.. sibei tmd torturing..kek. the feeling of not being able to breathe properly.. waseh. i thought i was gunna faint or smth. ah. at least its not painful.. wah -.- that ritual. even worse.
hm. still quite bitter. very bitter. one day no audi = one day of foul mood = one day of extreme dieting lawl. also no appetite to eat whatever crap in front of me la. hai. bitter. bitter. bitter! z. i just need a stupid license to reach my goal lor.. amatuer TT kns. still stuck at clubber, tmd sia. i just needed one more day~~~ lol. shd have continued chionging license ytd lol. abit heartpain. haiiii. wan chiong lan next year. sec4 = free time at btm half of year. bwahaha. olvls. lazy to care lawl. wan jiu fail laaaaaa! roar!
maybe im going maple. either bootes or aquila. but most prob..aquila. since i wan a priest more than anything now LOL. plus can pq :x and get rich :x and stalk my maplesource friends .. bah. nah. i think they forgot me, for ive forgotten them during my audi days too lol. but bootes got josh =.= i owe him favours lehhh. =/ how. aiya -.- heck care -.- stand by game nia, still wan think so much. yea. so its either pink or snow. pink. or snow. roar. still cant decide TT
Gerard Way is chio can? LOL. got the pretty boy face. how com his bro look so diff =/ Mikey. alrighty. i shouldnt comment lol. their faces also cannot be contolled :x but i wan Gerard de face shape..ROAR. eyes too. i wan to drop my so called..made for cuteness de face -.- even tho i think its just plain.. rounded la. i wan smaller eyes~ longer lashes~ sharper face~ haha. might as well chop off my head and put new one there. but i found out that the eyes prob can be settled thru my specs lol. wear specs liao jiu got the..more grown up look. lawl. fits just nice with that layered shirt and tie :x and plus my mascara.. bwahaha. but i duno who ill be wearing this for lol. got the feeling that..however nice i look.. its also for nothing. cant find friends, cant find people.. yadda yadda yadda..
zzz.
reduced to this state. tmd. forced to play games just to waste time. they are like forcing a introvert of 15 years to suddenly turn into a hyper extrovert in.. 1/2 a mth. wa.ha.ha. amazing. later still need anyhow chiong tuition work.. argh.
I LOST MY LEAD PASSWORDDDDD..! LIDDAT HOW TO DO HOLS HMWK YOU TELL ME!?!?! ....... wtf. who the hell will remember la -.- GOT PAPER TO PRINT WORK DUN WAN PRINT EH!?!?! SEE LAAAA ?!?!? TECHNOLOGY ..TECH WAD CRAP MAN.. =.= nvm. now i got excuse not to do any work liao. humph.
argh.sad. sad sad sad. but nowadays maple de community is really getting nice lol .cannot deny. the jerks all left for other games liao. can get free fames and free smiles without asking lol. but.. still wan audi.. TT my license ah.. my amature rank.. my items.. my friends.. my music.. TT
hm. still quite bitter. very bitter. one day no audi = one day of foul mood = one day of extreme dieting lawl. also no appetite to eat whatever crap in front of me la. hai. bitter. bitter. bitter! z. i just need a stupid license to reach my goal lor.. amatuer TT kns. still stuck at clubber, tmd sia. i just needed one more day~~~ lol. shd have continued chionging license ytd lol. abit heartpain. haiiii. wan chiong lan next year. sec4 = free time at btm half of year. bwahaha. olvls. lazy to care lawl. wan jiu fail laaaaaa! roar!
maybe im going maple. either bootes or aquila. but most prob..aquila. since i wan a priest more than anything now LOL. plus can pq :x and get rich :x and stalk my maplesource friends .. bah. nah. i think they forgot me, for ive forgotten them during my audi days too lol. but bootes got josh =.= i owe him favours lehhh. =/ how. aiya -.- heck care -.- stand by game nia, still wan think so much. yea. so its either pink or snow. pink. or snow. roar. still cant decide TT
Gerard Way is chio can? LOL. got the pretty boy face. how com his bro look so diff =/ Mikey. alrighty. i shouldnt comment lol. their faces also cannot be contolled :x but i wan Gerard de face shape..ROAR. eyes too. i wan to drop my so called..made for cuteness de face -.- even tho i think its just plain.. rounded la. i wan smaller eyes~ longer lashes~ sharper face~ haha. might as well chop off my head and put new one there. but i found out that the eyes prob can be settled thru my specs lol. wear specs liao jiu got the..more grown up look. lawl. fits just nice with that layered shirt and tie :x and plus my mascara.. bwahaha. but i duno who ill be wearing this for lol. got the feeling that..however nice i look.. its also for nothing. cant find friends, cant find people.. yadda yadda yadda..
zzz.
reduced to this state. tmd. forced to play games just to waste time. they are like forcing a introvert of 15 years to suddenly turn into a hyper extrovert in.. 1/2 a mth. wa.ha.ha. amazing. later still need anyhow chiong tuition work.. argh.
I LOST MY LEAD PASSWORDDDDD..! LIDDAT HOW TO DO HOLS HMWK YOU TELL ME!?!?! ....... wtf. who the hell will remember la -.- GOT PAPER TO PRINT WORK DUN WAN PRINT EH!?!?! SEE LAAAA ?!?!? TECHNOLOGY ..TECH WAD CRAP MAN.. =.= nvm. now i got excuse not to do any work liao. humph.
argh.sad. sad sad sad. but nowadays maple de community is really getting nice lol .cannot deny. the jerks all left for other games liao. can get free fames and free smiles without asking lol. but.. still wan audi.. TT my license ah.. my amature rank.. my items.. my friends.. my music.. TT
Friday, December 15, 2006
-24-
gee. i dunno why, but i always feel so blessed to be alone nowadays. learnt not to take privacy for granted the hard way.
looking forward to sch.. yea. then i can camp in lan shops and play to my heart's content. haha. sorry wq and hl~ maybe im really not made for studying.
very the peaceful after some thinking and complaining. haha. very lucky. smsed the moment i retreated into my room~ so of course grab the chance to call lor~ tho it was like 15mins~ but im happy to be able to talk to other people for once. talking to parents is getting .. very.. boring.
i swear to myself that i will stop , stop STOP all sorta posting or bringing up of the situation/ topic/ whatever after today, 3pm. since there is only one last problem to tackle, ill do it myself. i have the right to choose my friends! roar!
btw.. asking all friends of mine in sch.. mint, jiahui, pks, josh, ken.. who else .. yea. thats about it. alright. im asking about my character ._. did i really.. exploit you guys not? i can swear im really sorry if ive hurt anyone of you in the past. maybe i did, maybe i didnt, im not sure. but sometimes keeping quiet doesnt mean that.. im being aloof. >< size="1">
-deleted post- hah. i forgot i swore not to let everything out.
--
waiting for the night~ waiting waiting waiting. thats when i decide.. whether i shd escape or go on.
wee . found links to the lyrics.
http://www.imnotokay.net/my-chemical-romance/lyrics/this-is-how-i-disappear/
i dunno who this song shd be dedicated to lol. diff parts of songs to diff ppl ba. i guess. but its the.. closest song i can get to my feelings.
http://www.imnotokay.net/my-chemical-romance/lyrics/under-pressure/
^ this too. tho ive never really heard the song properly..but yea.
http://www.imnotokay.net/my-chemical-romance/lyrics/disenchanted/
...if i go on im gunna list the whole site down -.-
ah. mcr. macabre. tsk. but i like~ wahaha.
that song from fish leong was nice too. bev send to me de. saddest of sad la. but id rather go thru that than this situation.
looking forward to sch.. yea. then i can camp in lan shops and play to my heart's content. haha. sorry wq and hl~ maybe im really not made for studying.
very the peaceful after some thinking and complaining. haha. very lucky. smsed the moment i retreated into my room~ so of course grab the chance to call lor~ tho it was like 15mins~ but im happy to be able to talk to other people for once. talking to parents is getting .. very.. boring.
i swear to myself that i will stop , stop STOP all sorta posting or bringing up of the situation/ topic/ whatever after today, 3pm. since there is only one last problem to tackle, ill do it myself. i have the right to choose my friends! roar!
btw.. asking all friends of mine in sch.. mint, jiahui, pks, josh, ken.. who else .. yea. thats about it. alright. im asking about my character ._. did i really.. exploit you guys not? i can swear im really sorry if ive hurt anyone of you in the past. maybe i did, maybe i didnt, im not sure. but sometimes keeping quiet doesnt mean that.. im being aloof. >< size="1">
-deleted post- hah. i forgot i swore not to let everything out.
--
waiting for the night~ waiting waiting waiting. thats when i decide.. whether i shd escape or go on.
..escape.
wee . found links to the lyrics.
http://www.imnotokay.net/my-chemical-romance/lyrics/this-is-how-i-disappear/
i dunno who this song shd be dedicated to lol. diff parts of songs to diff ppl ba. i guess. but its the.. closest song i can get to my feelings.
http://www.imnotokay.net/my-chemical-romance/lyrics/under-pressure/
^ this too. tho ive never really heard the song properly..but yea.
http://www.imnotokay.net/my-chemical-romance/lyrics/disenchanted/
...if i go on im gunna list the whole site down -.-
ah. mcr. macabre. tsk. but i like~ wahaha.
that song from fish leong was nice too. bev send to me de. saddest of sad la. but id rather go thru that than this situation.
-23-
fwoo~ can someone teach me how to clear everything in the url bar there~ i cant seem to settle it. wont matter, ive hours of time to try~
my plan half worked~ hard to understand~ but only half succeeded~ and im already quite satisfied for that result~ so yea~ i still cant escape the suffering of having to go on ear spraining sprees~ and additions of counselling~ but~ at least i slammed my views and ideas right smack in their faces~ now they know, now they know.
now the main prob is the .. wadaya call it.. have to fix my character and way i view life . learn to treasure friends and blah. --'' ok la.. no comments again.. but.. wo sui bian~ keke.
now the only irritating thing left is... hl..cl..!!!! wtf --'' wished that they ...zzz. everyones panicking instead of me la --'' leng dao~~~
and..yea.. ~
i think my body's dying off soon. gah. early morn jiu tio all kinds of pain..torture.. ytd jy went to knock against me and went " wah ..you feel very cold leh" then cast me a look that said im weird , then ran after the rest. tmd -.- need to visit some kinda health specialist i guess..
my plan half worked~ hard to understand~ but only half succeeded~ and im already quite satisfied for that result~ so yea~ i still cant escape the suffering of having to go on ear spraining sprees~ and additions of counselling~ but~ at least i slammed my views and ideas right smack in their faces~ now they know, now they know.
now the main prob is the .. wadaya call it.. have to fix my character and way i view life . learn to treasure friends and blah. --'' ok la.. no comments again.. but.. wo sui bian~ keke.
now the only irritating thing left is... hl..cl..!!!! wtf --'' wished that they ...zzz. everyones panicking instead of me la --'' leng dao~~~
and..yea.. ~
i think my body's dying off soon. gah. early morn jiu tio all kinds of pain..torture.. ytd jy went to knock against me and went " wah ..you feel very cold leh" then cast me a look that said im weird , then ran after the rest. tmd -.- need to visit some kinda health specialist i guess..
Thursday, December 14, 2006
-random post script-
Fuck la -___-
walau -.- people thought it through liao lor. i finally made a decision, told it to bev. yay. felt like crap. but it was the correct decision. i guess.
Already decided to back down and stay as friends. if both sides are unable to do so then ill go the last way. ill really cut off everything. I know what im doing. but got chance ..i need a chance first.. then ill go clear everything up. yea. its the best way le lor. i already took a step back. why cant you do the same?! if we keep on going against each other its gonna leave everyone scarred de lor. -.- unreasonable people.
willing to talk.. wo pui . talk simi sai.. talk in the end all end up shooting me orders and not even trying to understand my views. i hate listening to orders de. esp orders without considering my interests! anyone who went through it will surely learn from it and just cut off all the talk. useless. waste saliva for wad right?! kns.
and yea . i got lie. i DID lie. but not totally -.- its half truths. but ill still count it against me. lie lie lie.. you all duno WHY i wanted to lie -.- only know how to point out my mistakes and shoot like siao. i resorted to this because.. you all cant freaking listen to me and get what im trying to tell you! so i can only use my own ways to get what i wanted.
cut off ties cut off ties..cut my foot la . youre avoiding the stupid problem instead of facing it. cut jiu so wad?! cut liao i go back to normal meh. shit man. i can tell you straight life will get worse. alot worse. very. cant you gimme a chance and lemme settle it MY way first -.- you said im still immature and all that. so let me learn on my own lah. ppl learn from mistakes de right. lidat shield is also a problem wad. --'' contradiction.
you said why cant i be like other people and be reasonable, be normal. then ill say why cant you be like other parents and give other people a chance to be friends? her mum knew all abt it too lor -.- everyone's equal. see how peaceful her side is liao.everythings fine. now look at our side. wheres the problem? EVERYONE IS!! i admit i have faults. but you cant freaking say that youre standing on the right side all the way. you guys made mistakes in handling this problem too. -.- . only know how to blame me and complain how hard being a parent is. blame la !! blame summore!! blame me and everything will go back in a -poof- isit?!
what crap is this.
ill repeat my words again lor. i know you care abt me. but youre showing it in the wrong way.
pure force will end up making me worse. same for threats. im just telling you my character. its up to you to see how you use the info. dont regret the consequences if you guys decide to continue your way.. your style. being your child does not ..DOES NOT.. mean that i have to listen to your every command. i want my views heard too. i want the solution to be DISCUSSED with everyone of us. DAMN orders. same for parents too actually. you all dunnit to respond to our every demand wad. so we cant respond to your every demands too.
ill list out the truths -.-
Josh is REALLY on the midnight flight to china.
He REALLY had two accounts.
I DID NOT say im being despised. its twisted thru ppl de mouths.
zzzz. ill add more if i remember em.
and yea. -.- thats abt it.
walau -.- people thought it through liao lor. i finally made a decision, told it to bev. yay. felt like crap. but it was the correct decision. i guess.
Already decided to back down and stay as friends. if both sides are unable to do so then ill go the last way. ill really cut off everything. I know what im doing. but got chance ..i need a chance first.. then ill go clear everything up. yea. its the best way le lor. i already took a step back. why cant you do the same?! if we keep on going against each other its gonna leave everyone scarred de lor. -.- unreasonable people.
willing to talk.. wo pui . talk simi sai.. talk in the end all end up shooting me orders and not even trying to understand my views. i hate listening to orders de. esp orders without considering my interests! anyone who went through it will surely learn from it and just cut off all the talk. useless. waste saliva for wad right?! kns.
and yea . i got lie. i DID lie. but not totally -.- its half truths. but ill still count it against me. lie lie lie.. you all duno WHY i wanted to lie -.- only know how to point out my mistakes and shoot like siao. i resorted to this because.. you all cant freaking listen to me and get what im trying to tell you! so i can only use my own ways to get what i wanted.
cut off ties cut off ties..cut my foot la . youre avoiding the stupid problem instead of facing it. cut jiu so wad?! cut liao i go back to normal meh. shit man. i can tell you straight life will get worse. alot worse. very. cant you gimme a chance and lemme settle it MY way first -.- you said im still immature and all that. so let me learn on my own lah. ppl learn from mistakes de right. lidat shield is also a problem wad. --'' contradiction.
you said why cant i be like other people and be reasonable, be normal. then ill say why cant you be like other parents and give other people a chance to be friends? her mum knew all abt it too lor -.- everyone's equal. see how peaceful her side is liao.everythings fine. now look at our side. wheres the problem? EVERYONE IS!! i admit i have faults. but you cant freaking say that youre standing on the right side all the way. you guys made mistakes in handling this problem too. -.- . only know how to blame me and complain how hard being a parent is. blame la !! blame summore!! blame me and everything will go back in a -poof- isit?!
what crap is this.
ill repeat my words again lor. i know you care abt me. but youre showing it in the wrong way.
pure force will end up making me worse. same for threats. im just telling you my character. its up to you to see how you use the info. dont regret the consequences if you guys decide to continue your way.. your style. being your child does not ..DOES NOT.. mean that i have to listen to your every command. i want my views heard too. i want the solution to be DISCUSSED with everyone of us. DAMN orders. same for parents too actually. you all dunnit to respond to our every demand wad. so we cant respond to your every demands too.
ill list out the truths -.-
Josh is REALLY on the midnight flight to china.
He REALLY had two accounts.
I DID NOT say im being despised. its twisted thru ppl de mouths.
zzzz. ill add more if i remember em.
and yea. -.- thats abt it.
-22-
ok~ i dont want to update the ex post lol. lazy~ no time~ and no mood~ keke. ytd argued all the way till 2am sia --'' but i can see that im adapting to it .. bleh. was calm and calmer. expected all these lol. just didnt expect to be betrayed. was about to explode lah, but after listening to her side of the story i relaxed again. haha.. had no choice. if i was her i wld so called 'betray' too. above all things, i just found out.. i hate to be misunderstood the most lor.
and i feel so misunderstood right now. --'' im not freaking contradicting myself~ i just messed up on my half truths. i DO NOT have split personalities~ i was just abit emotional. and.. most of all.. IM NOT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION!!!!
--''
its an.. insult to me can. everyone is piling all sorts of mental illnesses on me --' im ok~!! its just that i cant say stuff out sometimes, thus i resorted to saying half truths. and saying too much half truths means its a total stress on emotions and your memory. geddit?! but at least they admitted to checking my blog la. zz. underestimated .
plus~ i think i have my own views, and it sorta clashed big time.
after analysing, i think i found the main point in our clashing views that got everyone in such a fix. im not gunna.. list it out or what lor.. but i know now. tho its abit too late. wahaha.
today was abit pathetic. i was stoning away in a corner lol. the adults all thought i went bonkers or wad. hl said " wah.. last two years when i saw you ure so damn hyper de lor. now like half dead lidat. duno what will happen to you in the next two years sia.. ah soh already ah?" ok la no comments. but thats when i found out that not being able to contain my emotions inside me anymore is not a good point -.- was forcing myself to stay calm for half the ritual. was so close to flooding the void deck again.. budden mum told me to control and stuff. keke.
grandad didnt rest in peace. lol. we were scared like hell la.. but after repeating the prayers again and getting everyone to apologize to his tablet.. heng -.- but its common sense to feel angry la.. no one was there to look at him one last time before his death. sad. packed the bones inside.. and.. yea. thats it.
thought im gunna faint anytime soon just now lol. gastric -.- nowadays they just cant freaking disappear!! tahaned all the way from noon to now --'' lucky its fading.. or i wan scream out ler.
i thought about this le. the moment everyone gets tired of all these = the time to end this chapter in my life. or maybe my whole life. depends. so yeh. i get the feeling that everyone is bidding their time away~ waiting for the first person to drop out of this test of patience and endurance. then.. an ending wld be reached. i think i can survive this, its getting easy. but im worried abt the other parties lor. can see that all of em are getting sick of this liao.
theres only a few ways left lol. msn cant be used. josh is out. so its either be so good at acting as a stranger that even im fooled or .. i havent thought of a new alternative. but acting .. have to pay a big price ..in rl + vl . so also cannot. -.- ah well~
and i feel so misunderstood right now. --'' im not freaking contradicting myself~ i just messed up on my half truths. i DO NOT have split personalities~ i was just abit emotional. and.. most of all.. IM NOT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION!!!!
--''
its an.. insult to me can. everyone is piling all sorts of mental illnesses on me --' im ok~!! its just that i cant say stuff out sometimes, thus i resorted to saying half truths. and saying too much half truths means its a total stress on emotions and your memory. geddit?! but at least they admitted to checking my blog la. zz. underestimated .
plus~ i think i have my own views, and it sorta clashed big time.
after analysing, i think i found the main point in our clashing views that got everyone in such a fix. im not gunna.. list it out or what lor.. but i know now. tho its abit too late. wahaha.
today was abit pathetic. i was stoning away in a corner lol. the adults all thought i went bonkers or wad. hl said " wah.. last two years when i saw you ure so damn hyper de lor. now like half dead lidat. duno what will happen to you in the next two years sia.. ah soh already ah?" ok la no comments. but thats when i found out that not being able to contain my emotions inside me anymore is not a good point -.- was forcing myself to stay calm for half the ritual. was so close to flooding the void deck again.. budden mum told me to control and stuff. keke.
grandad didnt rest in peace. lol. we were scared like hell la.. but after repeating the prayers again and getting everyone to apologize to his tablet.. heng -.- but its common sense to feel angry la.. no one was there to look at him one last time before his death. sad. packed the bones inside.. and.. yea. thats it.
thought im gunna faint anytime soon just now lol. gastric -.- nowadays they just cant freaking disappear!! tahaned all the way from noon to now --'' lucky its fading.. or i wan scream out ler.
i thought about this le. the moment everyone gets tired of all these = the time to end this chapter in my life. or maybe my whole life. depends. so yeh. i get the feeling that everyone is bidding their time away~ waiting for the first person to drop out of this test of patience and endurance. then.. an ending wld be reached. i think i can survive this, its getting easy. but im worried abt the other parties lor. can see that all of em are getting sick of this liao.
theres only a few ways left lol. msn cant be used. josh is out. so its either be so good at acting as a stranger that even im fooled or .. i havent thought of a new alternative. but acting .. have to pay a big price ..in rl + vl . so also cannot. -.- ah well~
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
-21-
Today has proved me wrong yet again. It was.. - no offence- a blast. lol. chatted with wq and hl abt studies~ swimming~ maths~ and loadsa crap. i was struggling to stop laughing throughout the whole ritual -.-''
one scene was worth remembering again.
''Nu xu shi bai de hor" = means "in laws wear white de hor" in eng.
i heard it as..
"Ni Sapphire hor" = "You Sapphire hor"
blanked stared at aunt LOL. then i got it -.- wdh.
i grew taller~ keke. maybe 160 now. when yy stood beside me and wq.. we went wtf lol -.- too freaking tall.
Tuna talked to me lol. is it that obvious that im having problems? but he guessed wrong. luckily. i was going all polite on him~ but deep inside i was actually smirking at his.. i-know-it-all attitude. wahaha. but its nice of you guys to help la. lol. even tho.. you guys nv audi anymore~ but xie xie for remembering me!
im getting very very very very very hooked on the audi movie soundtrack. my mood totally changed when i heard it LOL. its nice. but not too cheery.. not too sad. perfect! im happy~ so long nv hear such kinda song themes le. but getting my sanity and calmness back is not totally good also -.- my hand sudd feel so pain lol. regret putting the cuts there -.- cannot put plaster.. surface area too much -.- zzz. but its been changing into a habit lol. today the ritual was sian as usual.. and i started scratching my hand for no reason again -.- hl, yy and ay kena freaked out .. and hl grilled me for it la -.- bbq-ed.
ok i take back my words. i hate tuna -.- bloody hell. zzzz. i thought he changed -.- so he didnt. damn. shdnt have trusted him again.
im changing le lol. even tho i still look like zombie on the outside.. i can see/feel that my character is .. getting different.. le.
[1] i cant bottle up any more negative feelings anymore.
[2] i freaking laughed today.
[3] i actually welcomed happier songs.
[4] im off gothic. tho black/red is still my fav. but no more goth. im going towards the fashionable rocker kinda style.
[5] (:
-ill update later-
one scene was worth remembering again.
''Nu xu shi bai de hor" = means "in laws wear white de hor" in eng.
i heard it as..
"Ni Sapphire hor" = "You Sapphire hor"
blanked stared at aunt LOL. then i got it -.- wdh.
i grew taller~ keke. maybe 160 now. when yy stood beside me and wq.. we went wtf lol -.- too freaking tall.
Tuna talked to me lol. is it that obvious that im having problems? but he guessed wrong. luckily. i was going all polite on him~ but deep inside i was actually smirking at his.. i-know-it-all attitude. wahaha. but its nice of you guys to help la. lol. even tho.. you guys nv audi anymore~ but xie xie for remembering me!
im getting very very very very very hooked on the audi movie soundtrack. my mood totally changed when i heard it LOL. its nice. but not too cheery.. not too sad. perfect! im happy~ so long nv hear such kinda song themes le. but getting my sanity and calmness back is not totally good also -.- my hand sudd feel so pain lol. regret putting the cuts there -.- cannot put plaster.. surface area too much -.- zzz. but its been changing into a habit lol. today the ritual was sian as usual.. and i started scratching my hand for no reason again -.- hl, yy and ay kena freaked out .. and hl grilled me for it la -.- bbq-ed.
ok i take back my words. i hate tuna -.- bloody hell. zzzz. i thought he changed -.- so he didnt. damn. shdnt have trusted him again.
im changing le lol. even tho i still look like zombie on the outside.. i can see/feel that my character is .. getting different.. le.
[1] i cant bottle up any more negative feelings anymore.
[2] i freaking laughed today.
[3] i actually welcomed happier songs.
[4] im off gothic. tho black/red is still my fav. but no more goth. im going towards the fashionable rocker kinda style.
[5] (:
-ill update later-
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
-20-
wee~ its a total screw up~ wahaha.
starting was fun. remembered one scene.
was burning incense paper. lol. shiok. feel impt. fire can~ wahaha. me and my 3 younger cousins stayed in the tent lo, they read and play while i burn. then wind come~ fire extinguished.
i went like.. 'wtf' and all 4 of us blank stare at the ashes for duno how long lol. then all 4 of us suddenly scream like sky fall lidat LOL. i guess~ deep down in our hearts.. we still have a bit of superstitious thoughts in us.
bad part coming -.-
when yy and hq came.. i was downright ashamed of my looks LOL. they are too freaking good looking for their own good liao :x aft that came wq. ok~ didnt dread the arrival. instead it was the opp. but given my bad mood from the verbal sparring with one of my cousins .. i guess her talk aint helping me much. made me worse. so i sobbed my eyes out for the wrong reasons during a funeral -.-
of cuz kena scolded lol.
now im referred to a counsellor. -.- relatives thought i tio depression or smth. bleh. but..haha. maybe i really am... but i die die wun call the counsellor de lol.
hmm..today sucks. but not that much. at least i learnt to find someone to crap to when such stuff happen~ wun suffer so much.
have to worry abt tmr tho. zz. the ppl sure ask why i lidat tonight de.
..
zzz!!!
anw~ heard that ken joined a guild in audi. =O hmmmm. dsky. reminds me of another guild. -.- but anw~ still sibei worried. -.- trigger word LOL. duno how they will react if they see the word.
''woah~ dun join this~ stay away~''
-_-''
expected LOL. duno if got enough stamina to cont the arguments next time. zzz. have to confirm details with kenny first~ wauhawhaw. but yea~ things are abit more sunnier than b4 le.
starting was fun. remembered one scene.
was burning incense paper. lol. shiok. feel impt. fire can~ wahaha. me and my 3 younger cousins stayed in the tent lo, they read and play while i burn. then wind come~ fire extinguished.
i went like.. 'wtf' and all 4 of us blank stare at the ashes for duno how long lol. then all 4 of us suddenly scream like sky fall lidat LOL. i guess~ deep down in our hearts.. we still have a bit of superstitious thoughts in us.
bad part coming -.-
when yy and hq came.. i was downright ashamed of my looks LOL. they are too freaking good looking for their own good liao :x aft that came wq. ok~ didnt dread the arrival. instead it was the opp. but given my bad mood from the verbal sparring with one of my cousins .. i guess her talk aint helping me much. made me worse. so i sobbed my eyes out for the wrong reasons during a funeral -.-
of cuz kena scolded lol.
now im referred to a counsellor. -.- relatives thought i tio depression or smth. bleh. but..haha. maybe i really am... but i die die wun call the counsellor de lol.
hmm..today sucks. but not that much. at least i learnt to find someone to crap to when such stuff happen~ wun suffer so much.
have to worry abt tmr tho. zz. the ppl sure ask why i lidat tonight de.
..
zzz!!!
anw~ heard that ken joined a guild in audi. =O hmmmm. dsky. reminds me of another guild. -.- but anw~ still sibei worried. -.- trigger word LOL. duno how they will react if they see the word.
''woah~ dun join this~ stay away~''
-_-''
expected LOL. duno if got enough stamina to cont the arguments next time. zzz. have to confirm details with kenny first~ wauhawhaw. but yea~ things are abit more sunnier than b4 le.
Monday, December 11, 2006
-19-
went to make my ic today~ hm. on both taxi rides~ my dad was yakking away to the driver lol. things wasnt as bad as i suspected. lol.
sad thing was the thumbprint. think i really troubled the ppl there lol. hai. sucks to be special in the wrong way. this angle cannot that angle cannot. sad. in the end took both hands de and my index. felt so bad.
but other than that im fine lol. took photo in classical guai kia look. cannot get fringe to cover eyebrow. sian.
then~ yea~ listened to mcr all along..and thats about it.
today is peaceful. bliss.
sad thing was the thumbprint. think i really troubled the ppl there lol. hai. sucks to be special in the wrong way. this angle cannot that angle cannot. sad. in the end took both hands de and my index. felt so bad.
but other than that im fine lol. took photo in classical guai kia look. cannot get fringe to cover eyebrow. sian.
then~ yea~ listened to mcr all along..and thats about it.
today is peaceful. bliss.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
-18-
is heaven playing a joke on me -.-
my grandpa is dead.. today. more accurately, 10dec, 6pm or so. died in pain i guess. no breath. struggled. but. failed. heard that my aunt was sobbing her eyes out there. lol. im still in state of shock sia. didnt know his death can affect me so much. ive only seen him.. once or twice these two years. but hearing my aunts de distress on the phone ah.. i really duno what to do ah. ive never seen or heard them lose their cool.
my mum rushed out .. as in really rush sia. ran. threw the lock down and told me to lock door. i dont understand. really dont.
after hearing their stories on how bad my grandpa was to them..how bitter they were.. and now.. they are grieving. for his death. maybe i cant feel it. i still havent went through this situation. but im sad too. weird. why should i be sad.. after how he treated everyone. but i guess.. i cant judge a person by stories solely. we are..afterall.. related by blood. im his grand-daughter and nothing can change that.
rest in peace..
feel like tearing up everything le.. what is this compared to their suffering? feel bad. i was and AM still part of her burden. and now another has fallen on her shoulders. lol. the irony. ive just finished drawing my last work, wanted to end it all. Then mint's msg popped up. wow. got invitations to go out.. was so happy. finally. can go out and relax, cheep up, have fun. im not forgotten. whoopee.
then. the calls came. the news broke out.
now i cant go out anymore. and dont want to.
now im back to my sad old self. again.
......
whoevers in charge of my fate should run to the highest building and fcking jump down for all i care la. if you want then lemme be miserable!! dont make me go up and down the emotional roller coaster ride! what~ whadaya treat me as?! some kinda main lead of a disastrous soap opera?! i hate this. its NOT fun.
i know everyone has a sad story to tell. but mine seems more bitter and angry than sad -.- hell. i cant say this. there are people worse than me and i saw them. ah. im not the worst off. and .. here i am, feeling relieved that im still lucky enough to escape the bunch of people in the extreme bottom end of life. im sick -.- sick sick sick.
im going ..crazy soon le la. too much for me to handle. i dont want to attend any wakes or funerals. whatever. i dont want to leave this house. i dont wanna face the truth.
getting more and more agitated liao -.- lol. nowadays i slap instead of patting them. snap back instead of staying quiet. getting paranoid. when i hear voices in my head.. ill always walk to my door. righto. they are talking abt me. when i dont hear voices in my head, ill still walk over . woot. still talking abt me. reduced to maximising the volume of my music and staring at the desk. gimme a break la pls.
dreading tomorrow. really. have to go all the way to make my ic.
yay. i love my life.
-last min update:
have a feeling that this is just the tip of the iceberg. it cant be purely revenge. i sense betrayal. from a person whom ive trusted deeply. hm. going by the new info now, my theory about the issue should be utter rubbish. but~ ah well~ as long as his cleared im fine~ lalala~ but whatever that was about~ im angry. very. if my new suspicions are correct~ then .. i think im gunna explode. kek. but if they are wrong~ ..im still going to explode. -.- zz. too much loopholes.. being a detective sucks. i cant piece it together. its irritating.
my grandpa is dead.. today. more accurately, 10dec, 6pm or so. died in pain i guess. no breath. struggled. but. failed. heard that my aunt was sobbing her eyes out there. lol. im still in state of shock sia. didnt know his death can affect me so much. ive only seen him.. once or twice these two years. but hearing my aunts de distress on the phone ah.. i really duno what to do ah. ive never seen or heard them lose their cool.
my mum rushed out .. as in really rush sia. ran. threw the lock down and told me to lock door. i dont understand. really dont.
after hearing their stories on how bad my grandpa was to them..how bitter they were.. and now.. they are grieving. for his death. maybe i cant feel it. i still havent went through this situation. but im sad too. weird. why should i be sad.. after how he treated everyone. but i guess.. i cant judge a person by stories solely. we are..afterall.. related by blood. im his grand-daughter and nothing can change that.
rest in peace..
feel like tearing up everything le.. what is this compared to their suffering? feel bad. i was and AM still part of her burden. and now another has fallen on her shoulders. lol. the irony. ive just finished drawing my last work, wanted to end it all. Then mint's msg popped up. wow. got invitations to go out.. was so happy. finally. can go out and relax, cheep up, have fun. im not forgotten. whoopee.
then. the calls came. the news broke out.
now i cant go out anymore. and dont want to.
now im back to my sad old self. again.
......
whoevers in charge of my fate should run to the highest building and fcking jump down for all i care la. if you want then lemme be miserable!! dont make me go up and down the emotional roller coaster ride! what~ whadaya treat me as?! some kinda main lead of a disastrous soap opera?! i hate this. its NOT fun.
i know everyone has a sad story to tell. but mine seems more bitter and angry than sad -.- hell. i cant say this. there are people worse than me and i saw them. ah. im not the worst off. and .. here i am, feeling relieved that im still lucky enough to escape the bunch of people in the extreme bottom end of life. im sick -.- sick sick sick.
im going ..crazy soon le la. too much for me to handle. i dont want to attend any wakes or funerals. whatever. i dont want to leave this house. i dont wanna face the truth.
getting more and more agitated liao -.- lol. nowadays i slap instead of patting them. snap back instead of staying quiet. getting paranoid. when i hear voices in my head.. ill always walk to my door. righto. they are talking abt me. when i dont hear voices in my head, ill still walk over . woot. still talking abt me. reduced to maximising the volume of my music and staring at the desk. gimme a break la pls.
dreading tomorrow. really. have to go all the way to make my ic.
yay. i love my life.
-last min update:
have a feeling that this is just the tip of the iceberg. it cant be purely revenge. i sense betrayal. from a person whom ive trusted deeply. hm. going by the new info now, my theory about the issue should be utter rubbish. but~ ah well~ as long as his cleared im fine~ lalala~ but whatever that was about~ im angry. very. if my new suspicions are correct~ then .. i think im gunna explode. kek. but if they are wrong~ ..im still going to explode. -.- zz. too much loopholes.. being a detective sucks. i cant piece it together. its irritating.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
-17-
-updated-
im irritated -.- oh yes i am. TMD. wtf sia. whats wrong with playing? >_> not as if ..even if i wanted to say those mushy crap.. which i wont.. i cant even say it with the whole family pressing their faces against the stupid screen lah.
i know my limits can -.-
i. learnt. it. the. hard. way.
of course i wont repeat my mistakes -.- but asking me to cut off ties with like almost 70% of my friendship links is impossible. WHATS WRONG WITH STAYING IN TOUCH?! -___-"""
well u said u trust my words of repentance >_> then why are these happening? why why why why why? im filled with questions -.-
i know what im doing le... hai.
feeling suicidal again ~ freaked josh out with my words i guess ~ see the disadvantages of living in a place where u see high flats everywhere? wahaha. this is not supposed to happen during my favourite holiday la..
everything seems screwed up to me liao -.-
-updates-
hmmm. Pondered again. haha~ too much spare time~ cant blame~
its quite disheartening actually, to see myself dropping down into this state after putting so much effort in trying to lighten up these few days.
cant help it.
was wondering.. why did i bother being happy? i wasnt during sec1, i wasnt during sec2, i wasnt during sec3, why should i change for next year.. or even.. now? if thats the way i am, maybe i should just accept it.. im just a lousy ,emotional, little.. kid. wahaha.
maybe i wanted to hit back. tell my parents that whatever they say wont affect me for long. ill get over it. or maybe i wanted all these crap to stop. my basic instinct was telling me to just sit out at a corner and rot the days away for this whole week. but i didnt, to an extent that is. sad.
feel so me again. lol. and even more. haha, thats for the guy who labelled me as a sadist. wotcha.
but its also not pure misfortune that it happened. at least i found people who can accept it, people who stuck by me, even found a new friend/counsellor. maybe its cuz of all this that i still cant understand their words. how bad will it feel to be rejected? im already a pro at this. lol. how many years of practice already.. 9 ..? can things get worse than they are now?
being shunned is already part of my life. not a problem. (:
miss the seaside. miss the air outside. lol. havent went to a place where i can stone alone, with no danger of being kidnapped, robbed and etc etc etc. kinda risky. for its also the ultimate place to forfeit this game of survival~ which i didnt even want to take part in the first place.
alot of people have been asking me ..whats my birthday wish~ what do i want. ill always give the classic reply. i want nothing. lol. ..ok la. i admit i was lying through my teeth. lol. but my wishes will never come true, so i didnt even bother telling anyone. feel like spilling em out now tho. haha. see how lame my wishes are.
1] to have magic. so i can erase any mistake... .. or be able to carry on with my mistake. (:
2] to be in the spotlight. for once. -i even dreamt of it, but it turned ugly. oh the horror. blood.-
3] to control this world. change it. twist everyones' minds. turn this Earth RPG style~
yeh. you make it come true and i worship you as god le. im 90% virtual. i have no life. wotcha to that guy again.
hm. am starting to love this blog dearly. i can rant without worrying about people getting bored. keke.
am going to find a new place to lose myself in. home's out. school's out. ..hell. ive nowhere else to go. regret not taking up the offer to go lan. but its the right choice la. i mean.. its not fun when two ppl goes into the lan shop and plays diff games. one shoots people's heads off while the other dances. wtf?
these few weeks will be quite a challenge. bev's away~ josh's in china~ semi~ i dun dare talk to him again le~ ken's dead somewhere~ auditioning is sick when you solo~ same for maple~ same for gunbound~ same for pangya~ same for trickster~ i cant go on msn and talk to anyone related to that issue from today onwards~ same for any game~ my phone is monitored~ cant call, cant recieve calls~ cant message~ cant recieve messages~
bottom line: ive only this website to rely on for these 3 wks. along with a puny tagboard. roar. reminds me of MCR de songs.. lol.
-i am not afraid to keep on living , im not afraid to walk this world alone..
..if i say thats what im thinking now then im lying. i admit ~ im feeling very very very insecure.. worried.. about being all on my own. can i still do it? no. no.. no...
if i could lug my teddy bears to school i would. bury myself in them and disappear from the world. i could. just leave everything and go. but.. too bad. there are quite abit of stuff that i still cant bear to put down. the moment i get over them.. means~ i can leave in peace le. :D joy. to say the truth.. these few ppl. really made a big impact in my lives. spanning from sec2~now. hm. not gunna name them.. tho two are adults, and the rest are of my age range. (: 5 of my age~ 1 older~ one 19~ keke. two handfuls.
the moment i get over them = ultimate bliss~ for the rest of my other life~ i guess.
im irritated -.- oh yes i am. TMD. wtf sia. whats wrong with playing? >_> not as if ..even if i wanted to say those mushy crap.. which i wont.. i cant even say it with the whole family pressing their faces against the stupid screen lah.
i know my limits can -.-
i. learnt. it. the. hard. way.
of course i wont repeat my mistakes -.- but asking me to cut off ties with like almost 70% of my friendship links is impossible. WHATS WRONG WITH STAYING IN TOUCH?! -___-"""
well u said u trust my words of repentance >_> then why are these happening? why why why why why? im filled with questions -.-
i know what im doing le... hai.
feeling suicidal again ~ freaked josh out with my words i guess ~ see the disadvantages of living in a place where u see high flats everywhere? wahaha. this is not supposed to happen during my favourite holiday la..
everything seems screwed up to me liao -.-
-updates-
hmmm. Pondered again. haha~ too much spare time~ cant blame~
its quite disheartening actually, to see myself dropping down into this state after putting so much effort in trying to lighten up these few days.
cant help it.
was wondering.. why did i bother being happy? i wasnt during sec1, i wasnt during sec2, i wasnt during sec3, why should i change for next year.. or even.. now? if thats the way i am, maybe i should just accept it.. im just a lousy ,emotional, little.. kid. wahaha.
maybe i wanted to hit back. tell my parents that whatever they say wont affect me for long. ill get over it. or maybe i wanted all these crap to stop. my basic instinct was telling me to just sit out at a corner and rot the days away for this whole week. but i didnt, to an extent that is. sad.
feel so me again. lol. and even more. haha, thats for the guy who labelled me as a sadist. wotcha.
but its also not pure misfortune that it happened. at least i found people who can accept it, people who stuck by me, even found a new friend/counsellor. maybe its cuz of all this that i still cant understand their words. how bad will it feel to be rejected? im already a pro at this. lol. how many years of practice already.. 9 ..? can things get worse than they are now?
being shunned is already part of my life. not a problem. (:
miss the seaside. miss the air outside. lol. havent went to a place where i can stone alone, with no danger of being kidnapped, robbed and etc etc etc. kinda risky. for its also the ultimate place to forfeit this game of survival~ which i didnt even want to take part in the first place.
alot of people have been asking me ..whats my birthday wish~ what do i want. ill always give the classic reply. i want nothing. lol. ..ok la. i admit i was lying through my teeth. lol. but my wishes will never come true, so i didnt even bother telling anyone. feel like spilling em out now tho. haha. see how lame my wishes are.
1] to have magic. so i can erase any mistake... .. or be able to carry on with my mistake. (:
2] to be in the spotlight. for once. -i even dreamt of it, but it turned ugly. oh the horror. blood.-
3] to control this world. change it. twist everyones' minds. turn this Earth RPG style~
yeh. you make it come true and i worship you as god le. im 90% virtual. i have no life. wotcha to that guy again.
hm. am starting to love this blog dearly. i can rant without worrying about people getting bored. keke.
am going to find a new place to lose myself in. home's out. school's out. ..hell. ive nowhere else to go. regret not taking up the offer to go lan. but its the right choice la. i mean.. its not fun when two ppl goes into the lan shop and plays diff games. one shoots people's heads off while the other dances. wtf?
these few weeks will be quite a challenge. bev's away~ josh's in china~ semi~ i dun dare talk to him again le~ ken's dead somewhere~ auditioning is sick when you solo~ same for maple~ same for gunbound~ same for pangya~ same for trickster~ i cant go on msn and talk to anyone related to that issue from today onwards~ same for any game~ my phone is monitored~ cant call, cant recieve calls~ cant message~ cant recieve messages~
bottom line: ive only this website to rely on for these 3 wks. along with a puny tagboard. roar. reminds me of MCR de songs.. lol.
-i am not afraid to keep on living , im not afraid to walk this world alone..
..if i say thats what im thinking now then im lying. i admit ~ im feeling very very very insecure.. worried.. about being all on my own. can i still do it? no. no.. no...
if i could lug my teddy bears to school i would. bury myself in them and disappear from the world. i could. just leave everything and go. but.. too bad. there are quite abit of stuff that i still cant bear to put down. the moment i get over them.. means~ i can leave in peace le. :D joy. to say the truth.. these few ppl. really made a big impact in my lives. spanning from sec2~now. hm. not gunna name them.. tho two are adults, and the rest are of my age range. (: 5 of my age~ 1 older~ one 19~ keke. two handfuls.
the moment i get over them = ultimate bliss~ for the rest of my other life~ i guess.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
-16-
-updated-
got a bad nightmare >_> nearly woke up screaming my head off. hell, even sleep dont wanna let me off these days.
waiting for friday~ can go out with bev~ keke. and yea. thats about it. im still trapped in my daily routine of playing com, quarreling , sleeping, and waking up again.
update:
mum is finally off, can blog with details in peace for abt..10mins or so. these few days of irregular meals has finally taken a toll on me. lol. hai .. finally succumbed to panadol in the end. but at least. i slimmed down.. hah?
worried ah worried.. >< um.. really hope that these few days.. nth much will happen ah. let parents cool down first.. hai. theres alot to do.. planning and talking. kek. and the day's coming~
cant wait.
haha~
finally a good twist in this sad situation.
got a bad nightmare >_> nearly woke up screaming my head off. hell, even sleep dont wanna let me off these days.
waiting for friday~ can go out with bev~ keke. and yea. thats about it. im still trapped in my daily routine of playing com, quarreling , sleeping, and waking up again.
update:
mum is finally off, can blog with details in peace for abt..10mins or so. these few days of irregular meals has finally taken a toll on me. lol. hai .. finally succumbed to panadol in the end. but at least. i slimmed down.. hah?
worried ah worried.. >< um.. really hope that these few days.. nth much will happen ah. let parents cool down first.. hai. theres alot to do.. planning and talking. kek. and the day's coming~
cant wait.
haha~
finally a good twist in this sad situation.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
-15-
Talked to semi ytd, on midnight or something. Told me a story about a boy, his cher and some grass thingy.
One day a boy told his cher that he felt useless.
Then his cher brought him to a field full of dandelions.
He told he boy to only walk straight, and pick the nicest looking one.
The boy walked straight, and saw a pretty one.
He thought that there might be a better looking dandelion,and kept on walking.
In the end, he found out that he reached the end..
With no other routes to take.
was quite blown away. lol. moral of the story: be contented with what you have. be contented that i can have such a happy time tgt ..but when it ends and you have to pay the price, you have to do it. not with pain and sadness. but.. yea. the opposite. i dunno if i can or not. lol. but ill try~
Im still quite.. tortured over here..lol. have to stick 24/7 to the com if i want to talk. cant do anything. feel useless. -refers to story- argh. trying to stay as positive as i can be le.. but sometimes my emotion still takes over. then i get scolded for crying over it. how the hell am i gunna let out my frustration then? im already doing my best to convert my thinking..but it takes time and A LOT of effort de wad.
i understand that i cant stick to anyone 24/7 and treat him/her as a replacement. hell no, even if i wanted to. its just not the same. lol.
i have to rely on myself this time round.. problem is.. i dont know how.
One day a boy told his cher that he felt useless.
Then his cher brought him to a field full of dandelions.
He told he boy to only walk straight, and pick the nicest looking one.
The boy walked straight, and saw a pretty one.
He thought that there might be a better looking dandelion,and kept on walking.
In the end, he found out that he reached the end..
With no other routes to take.
was quite blown away. lol. moral of the story: be contented with what you have. be contented that i can have such a happy time tgt ..but when it ends and you have to pay the price, you have to do it. not with pain and sadness. but.. yea. the opposite. i dunno if i can or not. lol. but ill try~
Im still quite.. tortured over here..lol. have to stick 24/7 to the com if i want to talk. cant do anything. feel useless. -refers to story- argh. trying to stay as positive as i can be le.. but sometimes my emotion still takes over. then i get scolded for crying over it. how the hell am i gunna let out my frustration then? im already doing my best to convert my thinking..but it takes time and A LOT of effort de wad.
i understand that i cant stick to anyone 24/7 and treat him/her as a replacement. hell no, even if i wanted to. its just not the same. lol.
i have to rely on myself this time round.. problem is.. i dont know how.
Monday, December 04, 2006
-13-
-UPDATED-Now I know that I cant make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...
And I know there's nothing I could say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...
So many bright lights they cast a shadow
But can I speak
Well, is it hard understanding?
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding I get so weak
A love that's so demanding I can't speak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey, if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
Can you see my eyes are shining bright
'Cause i'm out here on the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak
These bright lights are always blinding to me
I say I see you lying next to me with words
I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead
Famous last words, by MyChemicalRomance! :D can loop this for hours. Went to buy books with sot tdy, saw her wearing minis. feh. not bad wad. last time still treat short pants like germs lidat.
Minette joseph and ho jia hui~ xie xie for the birthday gift~ tyty~ keke.
-ill update later, running late for meeting-
-updating at night:
This is worse than burning in hell la ><>_> that is..hard. plus theres almost 0% chance of communicating.. .. . . ... .
i miss my hugs TT
Sunday, December 03, 2006
-13-
Today was traumatising. Felt like shit when i woke up. Felt like shit when i played the com. Felt like shit when i heard my mum complaining. Felt.. horribly guilty at dinner tho. lol. lucky i blinked like siao >_> cant let her see. She made the first move again... everytime i hurt her ,shes the first to at least try and reconcile with me.
feh.
controlled like siao.
but still gave up in the end.
lol.
feh.
controlled like siao.
but still gave up in the end.
lol.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
-12-
today~ my bd~ is~ ruined~
hm. went to bunk le. but last min need turn back.. then >_> lucky draw missed by one number. what is this! went to do some talking, worrying, tearing, and explaining~ and thats abt it.
well. at least they treated me to food. >_>
nothing can pay back this day de la. dad said he wanted to make pt or whatever crap next year.. but its not going to be the same lor... never ever ever..
feeling very lost. its like as if.. everyone rejected me lidat. duno where to go, who to turn to~ my house is worse than hell le. carry on .. going lidat .. and i think ill jump and die le.. the stress is too much liao... but.. i still think. the damage is done. theres no freaking way im gunna back down. full stop.
hm. went to bunk le. but last min need turn back.. then >_> lucky draw missed by one number. what is this! went to do some talking, worrying, tearing, and explaining~ and thats abt it.
well. at least they treated me to food. >_>
nothing can pay back this day de la. dad said he wanted to make pt or whatever crap next year.. but its not going to be the same lor... never ever ever..
feeling very lost. its like as if.. everyone rejected me lidat. duno where to go, who to turn to~ my house is worse than hell le. carry on .. going lidat .. and i think ill jump and die le.. the stress is too much liao... but.. i still think. the damage is done. theres no freaking way im gunna back down. full stop.
Friday, December 01, 2006
-11-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~ -muack muack muack-
Finally found decent stuff to wear~ hahaha. CANT WAIT! told fate that tmr is my bd ^^ kekeke. felt like ive struck the jackpot sia~ tourny + bd pt all in one! im gunna spam the camera button i tell you.
till now only knew ken, me, xian, and fate is going. not that ive seen fate in rl anw >_> haha~ sometimes.. really feel that i trust and rely on virtual friends more than the real ones. nt gd nt gd~ ...ah heck care. wooo~ Playing with my mascara now, trying to make it go as long as possible. LOL. am i crazy or am i crazy. hwahwahwa.
Mum forbade me to go work le >_> this cannot that also cannot. might as well stay at home la >_> all my lobangs kena her rej. wo pooi. >_> sian lor. sec4 heck care liao ahh.. night shift jiu night shift, take pic jiu take pic~!!!! RAWR!
Finally found decent stuff to wear~ hahaha. CANT WAIT! told fate that tmr is my bd ^^ kekeke. felt like ive struck the jackpot sia~ tourny + bd pt all in one! im gunna spam the camera button i tell you.
till now only knew ken, me, xian, and fate is going. not that ive seen fate in rl anw >_> haha~ sometimes.. really feel that i trust and rely on virtual friends more than the real ones. nt gd nt gd~ ...ah heck care. wooo~ Playing with my mascara now, trying to make it go as long as possible. LOL. am i crazy or am i crazy. hwahwahwa.
Mum forbade me to go work le >_> this cannot that also cannot. might as well stay at home la >_> all my lobangs kena her rej. wo pooi. >_> sian lor. sec4 heck care liao ahh.. night shift jiu night shift, take pic jiu take pic~!!!! RAWR!
Sunday, November 26, 2006
-9-
what to do.. starting to vent my frustration on ppl liao.. feel very sorry towards the ppl arnd me. this few days are quite tough for me. i dont know whats the problem.. where it lies.. but i know theres one.
tore the letter mum wrote to me without reading it. lol. cant keep on crying forever de ah. id rather escape the harshness of reality. i swear she saw all the stuff i wrote on the paper. luan. i dont want her to know abt this.. but.. thats the truth im putting on it.
im not being rebellious ah.. i have my own principles to keep.. though you are my mum..you cant expect me to tell you everything de mah.. you didnt too. its not fair.
if my window is open right now ill gladly jump down and die sia. z. get the feeling that next year will be way tougher than this. hate this world. more specifically, hate money. no money = no worries. the world can freaking grow crops and be farmers for all i care. at least theres peace! why is everything based on money?
alrighty. ill give you my bank pin number and you stay outta my life. cant de right?! tmd.
tore the letter mum wrote to me without reading it. lol. cant keep on crying forever de ah. id rather escape the harshness of reality. i swear she saw all the stuff i wrote on the paper. luan. i dont want her to know abt this.. but.. thats the truth im putting on it.
im not being rebellious ah.. i have my own principles to keep.. though you are my mum..you cant expect me to tell you everything de mah.. you didnt too. its not fair.
if my window is open right now ill gladly jump down and die sia. z. get the feeling that next year will be way tougher than this. hate this world. more specifically, hate money. no money = no worries. the world can freaking grow crops and be farmers for all i care. at least theres peace! why is everything based on money?
alrighty. ill give you my bank pin number and you stay outta my life. cant de right?! tmd.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
-7-
...ftwud! zz. today is..pathetic. 8ked with a bunch of pros. backups, mains, ama.s.. lost like crap. summore kena attituded at. ill remember that guy forever de sia. keesiaokia. zz. someday ill have my revenge!..somehow. >_> tmd. Tuna played with me until so pekcek. lol. but of course ill win de mah.. he slacked away while i trained like crap leh. hardwork > talent. my efforts still paid off in the end. got a sense of satisfaction. lol. bev also went crazy. poultry~ wdh.. ><>
zz. nothing went right today. nothing nothing nothing!
mum flipped tarots tdy. tmd. bad stuff again. >_> why is the world so against me?!
zz. nothing went right today. nothing nothing nothing!
mum flipped tarots tdy. tmd. bad stuff again. >_> why is the world so against me?!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
-6-
today is the sianiest of all sian days. zz. nothing good happened at all sia~ haha. Found out that i was tracking the wrong candy -.- wdh. but aft checking also found out that pks deleted his char in audi.. so.. hm. identity passed down?summore she go make racist remark -.- reminds me of me. LOL. feel sibei bad. also feel bad towards chem. tmd. he too much more.. yan hua(?) ..than me la he -.- even i see le also cnt tahan. zz. today attituded for quite some time. ha. even tho i apologized to piglet later~ still dont feel that well. should have controlled la -.- last time can why now cannot. tmd.
quit audi early tdy.. need some time to stone somewhere and regain my calmness sia. later then continue again. zz.
thinkin abt the shopping trip. mixed emotions. dont tell me its all just a ...misunderstanding. aiyah. too little time for me to handle so much stuff.
alrighty, i still have to face it. control ah control. can de can de ><>
quit audi early tdy.. need some time to stone somewhere and regain my calmness sia. later then continue again. zz.
thinkin abt the shopping trip. mixed emotions. dont tell me its all just a ...misunderstanding. aiyah. too little time for me to handle so much stuff.
alrighty, i still have to face it. control ah control. can de can de ><>
Monday, November 13, 2006
-5-
Sun;
woot~ was sibei high~ talked to wq. though its only a short, pathetic 20 mins or something.. she still understood what i was trying to tell her~ almost wished that she was staying with me.. why oh why. i only realised how much i needed a confidant till she went back to gran's house. shes better with words. hah. i only made things worse. by saying the wrong stuff.
Mon;
''The silent people are always the most dangerous ones.''
Teen Titans go! wahaha. remembered this quote from the series..a few months back. Has been wondering. why? why are quiet people so negative in other people's eyes? maybe they kept everything to themselves, a disaster waiting to happen. but i just think that those quotes are over-rated. if the whole world keeps on talking, who will be the one listening? we're just part of the people used to balance this world. just like how this place needs some noise as well.
woot~ was sibei high~ talked to wq. though its only a short, pathetic 20 mins or something.. she still understood what i was trying to tell her~ almost wished that she was staying with me.. why oh why. i only realised how much i needed a confidant till she went back to gran's house. shes better with words. hah. i only made things worse. by saying the wrong stuff.
Mon;
''The silent people are always the most dangerous ones.''
Teen Titans go! wahaha. remembered this quote from the series..a few months back. Has been wondering. why? why are quiet people so negative in other people's eyes? maybe they kept everything to themselves, a disaster waiting to happen. but i just think that those quotes are over-rated. if the whole world keeps on talking, who will be the one listening? we're just part of the people used to balance this world. just like how this place needs some noise as well.
felt quite guilty actually. towards them. the two guys. hai. hmm. more towards him tho. i actually ignored people ahhh. but 3k msges on my bill.. hm. shd go on msn and msg everyone. :D
Friday, November 10, 2006
-4-
Well heaven knows;
That without you, is how i disappear;
-
Found Ohana@Audition. Not bad, but its.. still empty. But its worth investing in. Has the potential to be one of the best.. considering for awhile now. If i sign up, Luster will die~ or maybe its supposed to die. dawn is gone anyway. no meaning.
Today is the..last day of school~ Miserable, miserable. No goodbyes from teachers, no games, no nothing. Sian can. -_- went off early. one little group, shuffling towards the front gate. and no one caught us. :D
That without you, is how i disappear;
-
Found Ohana@Audition. Not bad, but its.. still empty. But its worth investing in. Has the potential to be one of the best.. considering for awhile now. If i sign up, Luster will die~ or maybe its supposed to die. dawn is gone anyway. no meaning.
Today is the..last day of school~ Miserable, miserable. No goodbyes from teachers, no games, no nothing. Sian can. -_- went off early. one little group, shuffling towards the front gate. and no one caught us. :D
Want to learn graphics designing. took a look at my past drawings and felt like burning them. need a proper teacher.. decent tools.. need a chance. ><
Sunday, November 05, 2006
-3-
Find life boring. Really.
Id love to change this world into a magical one..where pk duels can happen anywhere. wahaha. It wont be so peaceful, but at least its interesting. Daggers, blades, bows.. wow.
then ill go knocking on the doors of people i dislike and stab the life outta them. im getting violent. played too much..i guess.
but if i could, i would.
Id love to change this world into a magical one..where pk duels can happen anywhere. wahaha. It wont be so peaceful, but at least its interesting. Daggers, blades, bows.. wow.
then ill go knocking on the doors of people i dislike and stab the life outta them. im getting violent. played too much..i guess.
but if i could, i would.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
-lyrics of The diary of Jane-
If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
No
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be
Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be
Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
No
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be
Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be
Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane
understood the vid btw :x shes running to find mirrors to see her reflection. but theres none~ cuz shes a ghost.tadaa.
Friday, November 03, 2006
-2-
went to JTC. sian.siansiansian. only remembered the arcade kinda game. nearly ripped the stupid joystick off the table. bleh. founds the place to register marriages!! wahaha. took a little photo of the sign. must show to sis. xuan and kelvin~ haha. we broke plastic sheets, slammed on com mouses, pushed every button we saw on the heritage tour. not to mention disfiguring a female...being. i pity cchy.
kenny, sabrina and me formed a mini grp and drifted through the whole thing. i took photos. he took notes. sadly. visited memorials and memorials AND memorials.
had a long talk. luan. what have i done! sad. ive been too withdrawn.. didnt look out of the window of my heart..didnt know i hurt quite a lotta people. . and myself too.
Instead.. ppl who shd rly care are doing the opposite.
sometimes i really want to get through to her. need advice. but shes not there. i said the truth, she didnt listen. dont care whether ive sinned or what..im bitter! rawr! what kind of mother do i have. what kind of daughter did she have too. argh.
kenny, sabrina and me formed a mini grp and drifted through the whole thing. i took photos. he took notes. sadly. visited memorials and memorials AND memorials.
had a long talk. luan. what have i done! sad. ive been too withdrawn.. didnt look out of the window of my heart..didnt know i hurt quite a lotta people. . and myself too.
Instead.. ppl who shd rly care are doing the opposite.
sometimes i really want to get through to her. need advice. but shes not there. i said the truth, she didnt listen. dont care whether ive sinned or what..im bitter! rawr! what kind of mother do i have. what kind of daughter did she have too. argh.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
--
hm. if one day, shd i leave this world..
im gunna leave it quietly. sadly. =/
getting addicted to pulling out lyrics from songs. sieg hail that website. lalala. too bad i can only imagine..
thought about it.. alot. why are we hiding our emotions away from everyone? four people i knw are having masks on too. im not good at words. im not good at actions.
i hate seeing people sad because i knew i cant help them. at all. bleh. hate the feeling of helplessness.
feel like creating my own world and hiding in it forever. sometimes i really wonder la. are they feeling the same way i feel towards them? do they ever feel fear, insecurity? or is it only just me.want to reach out and try to understand this.. but i cant ah. cannot talk. ill just fall silent.as usual.
argh.
$^%*^*&.
im gunna leave it quietly. sadly. =/
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
getting addicted to pulling out lyrics from songs. sieg hail that website. lalala. too bad i can only imagine..
thought about it.. alot. why are we hiding our emotions away from everyone? four people i knw are having masks on too. im not good at words. im not good at actions.
i hate seeing people sad because i knew i cant help them. at all. bleh. hate the feeling of helplessness.
feel like creating my own world and hiding in it forever. sometimes i really wonder la. are they feeling the same way i feel towards them? do they ever feel fear, insecurity? or is it only just me.want to reach out and try to understand this.. but i cant ah. cannot talk. ill just fall silent.as usual.
argh.
$^%*^*&.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
.__. no one told me!! ...ah well.
Halloweennnnn~ :D
need a pointy hat and a nose with warts. ~
bleh.3weeks to go. wait ah..
pks said i turned emo. aiyo. nono. im still me. just that different situations calls for different reactions lah. so yea. last time..sec2 issit.. i said im very touchy about this kind de stuff ah. you shd knw.. before ..doing what you did.
neck pain -_- never ever want to sleep on that bed le. miss my old bed. bleh.
off for patching~ lalala.
Halloweennnnn~ :D
need a pointy hat and a nose with warts. ~
bleh.3weeks to go. wait ah..
pks said i turned emo. aiyo. nono. im still me. just that different situations calls for different reactions lah. so yea. last time..sec2 issit.. i said im very touchy about this kind de stuff ah. you shd knw.. before ..doing what you did.
neck pain -_- never ever want to sleep on that bed le. miss my old bed. bleh.
off for patching~ lalala.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
"Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non believers, the plans that they have made?"
Because one day I leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."
went to the link josh gave me. not bad, the video. haha. mon go sch must thank him. forgot to do so tdy..
ahh~ MCR! haha. feel like going back to my darker side. i miss the sulking me. found out that something is wrong. my designs.. are happy instead of..sad. -__-
i gotta change back. cant lose my style now that ive found it eh.
did smth that i really wanted to do last time. i dont need to read minds to be able to understand everything. i just need to ..ask.
haha. seems that all females are freaking sensitive. im not the only one.
err. just want to say thank you for saying that you guys will not give up. but..i really thought that history repeated itself on some instances. haha. but i wont change that easily.. not that i dont want to. i cant. it has been 3 years nia ><
and speaking of 3. got back my CCA report. IM STILL A BAND MEMBER?! blown away. but i wondered alot la. why am i still feeling like this.. guess im still sore at myself. i simply lack determination.. again. i got 2 chances and i blew it. he made things worse by saying that i have talent in music -___- just that my attitude covered it. haha. ha. yea right..right. hai.
thinking of becoming a graphics designer. haha. desktop publishing. why not take a chance eh. making a mini port folio. but im worried that im not creative enough tho..
talked to my pri sch friend. so long le wor. we drew apart so much le. too freaking polite. abit sad.
Youli, Haowen, xinying, shimin!! wahaha. you 4. dominic and howard too. the rest i forgot le. feel like going back.. restart my life. from pri sch. and get my foundations right this time. bleh.
hm..im starting to sound like the old me again. heng. watched the vid again.. liked the part where the nurses and the backdrop fell. feel happy. haha. you zhong jie tuo de gan jue. freedom..! sudd got urge to draw le. bleh.
"And we will send you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear "
ah. cant stop snipping the lyrics to put here. btw,its from my chemical romance, welcome to the black parade.
Because one day I leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."
went to the link josh gave me. not bad, the video. haha. mon go sch must thank him. forgot to do so tdy..
ahh~ MCR! haha. feel like going back to my darker side. i miss the sulking me. found out that something is wrong. my designs.. are happy instead of..sad. -__-
i gotta change back. cant lose my style now that ive found it eh.
did smth that i really wanted to do last time. i dont need to read minds to be able to understand everything. i just need to ..ask.
haha. seems that all females are freaking sensitive. im not the only one.
err. just want to say thank you for saying that you guys will not give up. but..i really thought that history repeated itself on some instances. haha. but i wont change that easily.. not that i dont want to. i cant. it has been 3 years nia ><
and speaking of 3. got back my CCA report. IM STILL A BAND MEMBER?! blown away. but i wondered alot la. why am i still feeling like this.. guess im still sore at myself. i simply lack determination.. again. i got 2 chances and i blew it. he made things worse by saying that i have talent in music -___- just that my attitude covered it. haha. ha. yea right..right. hai.
thinking of becoming a graphics designer. haha. desktop publishing. why not take a chance eh. making a mini port folio. but im worried that im not creative enough tho..
talked to my pri sch friend. so long le wor. we drew apart so much le. too freaking polite. abit sad.
Youli, Haowen, xinying, shimin!! wahaha. you 4. dominic and howard too. the rest i forgot le. feel like going back.. restart my life. from pri sch. and get my foundations right this time. bleh.
hm..im starting to sound like the old me again. heng. watched the vid again.. liked the part where the nurses and the backdrop fell. feel happy. haha. you zhong jie tuo de gan jue. freedom..! sudd got urge to draw le. bleh.
"And we will send you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear "
ah. cant stop snipping the lyrics to put here. btw,its from my chemical romance, welcome to the black parade.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
lemme get this straight lah. abit = amusing. alot = irritating. you should know what im meaning le ba. not that i dont trust u. but im really annoyed. rly rly rly. and plus.. pls lah. you dont play audi de >< know also no use hor? see kenny know le also diam diam TT follow him can..
hm.. 23days, 2days 10k exp..i hope i shd be able to break through the Clubber ranking. RAWR!! kenny!! prepare to eat socks! :D im preparing to chiong le~ dec you dieee~ also found out that bev is shooting up abit too fast le eh :x cough cough. cough.
20minutes to go.. got my results.. not bad. 2 failed only. kekeke. cackling like mad liao. but..yea.. almost 1/2 of the numbers in there were underlined. abit discouraging.
tralala. off to slack.
hm.. 23days, 2days 10k exp..i hope i shd be able to break through the Clubber ranking. RAWR!! kenny!! prepare to eat socks! :D im preparing to chiong le~ dec you dieee~ also found out that bev is shooting up abit too fast le eh :x cough cough. cough.
20minutes to go.. got my results.. not bad. 2 failed only. kekeke. cackling like mad liao. but..yea.. almost 1/2 of the numbers in there were underlined. abit discouraging.
tralala. off to slack.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
i passed it!! tralala~ ok. i didnt. >< got helped. ahh..whats wrong with me nowadays~ cnt even get the rhythm right TT hai.
plucked out my lil instrument from god-knows-where ..haha. how much ive grown :x cannot fit le. found my canonD -whats the title again..is this it?- score stuffed in the case. read it. cant understand anything anymore. hai.
practically muacked the amp sia. the bass.. shiok. imagine if i play my cds here.nah. im already doing it. hehehe.. not bad. aiming for two CDs.. evanescence and my chemical romance de. haben come out yet. saving for it..waiting like dunno wad sia. or maybe i shd just dl the songs. hm. nah. rather buy.
mum dug out my results..scolded and scolded and scolded.. .. ..hai.wdh.hurt me TT i know im at fault la. but you also made mistakes nia. why scold me only. eee. ah.suan le. i can go on for hours lidat.
duno wad im feeling now. haha. sad .happy. jumbled up. >< hai.. hope the next wk will be better ba.
plucked out my lil instrument from god-knows-where ..haha. how much ive grown :x cannot fit le. found my canonD -whats the title again..is this it?- score stuffed in the case. read it. cant understand anything anymore. hai.
practically muacked the amp sia. the bass.. shiok. imagine if i play my cds here.nah. im already doing it. hehehe.. not bad. aiming for two CDs.. evanescence and my chemical romance de. haben come out yet. saving for it..waiting like dunno wad sia. or maybe i shd just dl the songs. hm. nah. rather buy.
mum dug out my results..scolded and scolded and scolded.. .. ..hai.wdh.hurt me TT i know im at fault la. but you also made mistakes nia. why scold me only. eee. ah.suan le. i can go on for hours lidat.
duno wad im feeling now. haha. sad .happy. jumbled up. >< hai.. hope the next wk will be better ba.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
yesterday was very very tiring. who in their right minds will shop in 3 huge shopping malls in a day's work?! i swear ill never step in taka again i tell you. wtf.walking zombies, those people.
j8 was okay..got my ear pierced there. hah. at first still abit not sure not sure lidat de..but sot go push me to 77th strt.. TT still duno wan thank or slap you la. LOL. i scare dao blur diao. haha. imagined the pain too much. after piercing the 2..wadaya call em..shopkeepers ah.. go ask.. 'pain mah' ..i go scream 'of course LAHHH'.. LOL. the 5 of us all laughing like duno wad sia.
cough. ahwell. must find a way to hide from mum.
bought 31degrees stuff ..a pretty feather earring..2mags.. AND STOOD UP STRAIGHT FOR LIKE 6HOURS?! walau..they leg pain i back pain sia..hai. i think i walk until i got used to standing up straight le lah. TT
i go rot somewhere le. :D
j8 was okay..got my ear pierced there. hah. at first still abit not sure not sure lidat de..but sot go push me to 77th strt.. TT still duno wan thank or slap you la. LOL. i scare dao blur diao. haha. imagined the pain too much. after piercing the 2..wadaya call em..shopkeepers ah.. go ask.. 'pain mah' ..i go scream 'of course LAHHH'.. LOL. the 5 of us all laughing like duno wad sia.
cough. ahwell. must find a way to hide from mum.
bought 31degrees stuff ..a pretty feather earring..2mags.. AND STOOD UP STRAIGHT FOR LIKE 6HOURS?! walau..they leg pain i back pain sia..hai. i think i walk until i got used to standing up straight le lah. TT
i go rot somewhere le. :D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)