Mer - lan - choh - leec

The long and awkward silences was getting too troubling, so I stayed off it altogether. U-hu-hu. Relationships. Be it friends or family. Why the f_ck are they so hard to maintain lol. That's probably why I'm the only one not in touch with my sec school friends. Everything falls apart if I stop maintaining 'em. Pffft. Both Twit and RL are getting distant again. Should step up Twitting if I want my plan to carry through though.

I feel like creating one of my own, but will that count as betrayal against the guild I've devoted a year to?
Another worry - can the plan take flight?

Setting it up is one thing, building contacts and connections are another. and its time i wake up to this fact ; aesthetics isn't everything. argh damn. just because im under training to specialize in this field doesnt mean that THE WHOLE WORLD MUST REVOLVE AROUND IT

what the fuck was i thinking lol

I think im just being more of a burden to the VS then a loyal and productive member.
Mal shuld hate me for taking things into my own hands, actually

I've no idea why he's even saying thank you to me
i dont think i deserve it
at all

my 'helping out' contributed to nothing
my rping was bull
im just one of the few active members left, nothing else

pfft
for a while, i thought i was special. i thought i could turn things around.

oh man why did I drift to another ranting session about VS. and my incompetence. lololol.

Anyways. im now taking an ''offline'' approach when facing the real world. im not even bothering to appear offline now, ill just stay the hell off msn.
let me wallow in peace hahaha
until my confidence crawls back into this thick but empty shell

I'll be heading off and out tomorrow.

Not looking forward to it, but not entirely rejecting it, too.
It's a ''what else can I do?'' kind of situation. *shrugs*

Twitlight

Points :



Dividers :


Illustrations :
Airship :

Bar scene : -

Meadows : -


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm exhausted

491

I... I like pie!


.........

shit, what have i gotten myself into again
shit shit shit

Dissecting my right brain

UPDATE : MY WALL PAPER IS NICER THAN YOURS




--------------------------



I realized that I'm the only one who used a painterly looking banner for my blog. ( Aside from YK. Lol. The cloud specialist.)
Loads of other people used graphical styles. How many have I seen, already? Four?

This got me thinking about my 'uniqueness'.
Am I doing it wrong?
Am I weird?

AM I EVEN NORMAL?!oneoneeleven111!

Don't get me wrong, I love design fundamentals myself. But I've noticed that.. even in extremely graphical works, I'll tend to add in my usual touches. Retaining physics. I noticed that in most graphical works, artists have designs elements all over the place, connected in small and intricate ways. A character popping out from another's open mouth. A person towering over entire cities. A foot bigger than a lob-star. (lol naw just kidding, I love your stuff)

It's nice, but... whut??

The sense of reality isn't there. It's too random to even fit into the surreal category.

As quoted from the INTARWEBS : "I CAN'T FAP TO THIS!"

I want my characters to be alive, not mere strokes on a blank canvas. I want their cheeks to be flushed with colour, I want a hint of life in their eyes! That feel can never be attained with flat, 2D graphics, and that really puts me off. (Even if it could, I can't do it. SO THERE.)

Maybe that's why I hate typography so much. I can't make the typefaces pop out. As if they were real. And that really discourages me >:

I'm a storyteller. No, I want to be a storyteller. Storytelling means letting mere literary works or creations become real. Giving it that last touch. Breathing life into it.

Maybe that's why I would never go the bobsmade way. (His stuff is sweet, by the way. I wanna order one of those crazy ass shoes he makes... Click on the link and check out his page!) I strive to draw like... hmm. Loish. Her colours are awesome. Enayla. Detail-demon. They are, and will remain as my muses.

That got me thinking about Endling. His work has been getting quite nice nowadays.
The avatar on your right is inspired by him. Air bell bell should know why, lol. Since I sent her that link.

..Unless she forgot.

So yeah. I should end this before I stray off any further. Bottom line = PAINTERLY IS THE WAY TO GO FOR ME! AND. I. AM. PROUD. OF. IT!

The original picture

Can we dance like everything's all right

Some Pimping :

pinup ariel by `loish on deviantART

And



----------------


Chopped off my long hair, much to the dismay of my auntie rofl. haha. So now, on to the bomb.

I'm displeased. Greatly.

I'm going to tell myself this from now on - If I need to score A's for 3D or mug for every single small test just to get to my goal, I WILL.

Geez.

Yeah, so I got into the 3 range, but that '.0' really irked the crap outta me. Not to say, my hold on the ranking..

KNNCCBLJLJ12345678910

I was SO confident


oh well.

Have been having an art block recently, too.
Even putting myself under deliberate pressure didnt help >:

Started a dream diary.
Tried drawing out portions of my dreams.
Found out that doodling actually brought the feel out a lot more than focused drawing, for some reason. Someday, when my skills are ggood enough, I'll definitely try giving that sketch a chance to shine >:

That scene in the amusement park never left my head, tsktsk. How many years has it been already?
Now that I tried to recall the details, only the ferris wheel and bell tower remained. the other memories were so fuzzy >:


PHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

goddamn

THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET
THE RESULTS ARENT OUT YET

...

Why do I keep on posting short memos lol.

Hehe. I'm feeling so proud of myself.
Caught Azure's birthday and started a thread hehehe.

Missed out Herc's birthday in the past, SO I WILL HAVE TO REDEEM MYSELF THIS TIME ROUND!

Haha. Never knew that dude is 21 years old. Holy cow. Ancient.


Thanks to so many people encouraging me hahaha. Maybe my dreams of being a storyteller can be realized after all. I'm going to start participating more in VS. I feel my confidence coming back, for some reason. Maybe its due to me exposing myself to more literary works and trying to learn from them?

snowmachine is still the best storyteller I've ever seen :3
Shes at snow-machine@deviantart.com


Mmm getting back into the S*T groove. I guess.
I realized that I'm starting to frequent the site more than ever.
My reason is probably split into two. Half outta my 'self sorryness', half outta the realization that I'm really attached to the guild. Geeeez I still feel so guilty. For some reason. Whatevs. I'll do whatever I can to help out.

Haha.

Guess who's back.

On another note, I just realized how impossibly weak I am lol. My condition is getting the best of me >:
But maybe, its also because of this that I've such a crazy imagination lol.
My dreams are never boring XD

It's just.. nowadays..
It's almost as if those nightmares are coming out into reality and stalking me

I'll see weird movements and assume that someone's watching me

goddamn

can't even go to the gym without sweating half my socks off in fear. lulz

S C A R D E Y C A T