hmmm, today was quite.. eventful.. ^^
i started feeling lousy after chatting with josh and dex online last night lmao. and i still do.. the two of them .. hit my weak spot la tmd. abit .. envious. how can people get so freaking chummy with each other wtf.
i said someone was stupid, actually im one also LOL. i only noticed after it was mentioned by someone.
that blankness, you cant fight it, right? it tells you to follow, dont think why, dont refuse, dont resist. just follow. then you will smile and feel happy. you might look like a idiot, but what matters is that youre contented. ^^ i was doing all these without realising it.
what i do for them, keke.
too bad my friends have their own cliques. all of them. sometimes, you get really.. jealous. then you will start to hate. thats why my friendships with people are rarely long lasting. the evil side of me took over. i put on an aloof and cold personality on purpose sometimes. just to piss people off. ^^ but of course, such actions have consequences. but stubborn ol Shan still refuses to change for personal reasons. Shes bitter. shes feeling insecure. shes hopeless. >_>
its not fair. all my fairytales ended ugly. whenever i see happy couples and friends im sobbing inside. i admit im jealous, so quit sniggering. I want a confidant.. i want someone who can be there for me! I also need love and care.. even if i am an antisocial. like, who doesnt, right? Seeing all your friends being happy and sisterly/brotherly with each other and lousy old me being a flaw in this perfect picture is not very amusing.
Joining their cliques is out of the picture. i said im an antisocial, right?
sucks being a mixture of passion and coldness. i can be happy as an extreme extrovert or introvert. why gimme both?!
ah well. anw.
RP : Slack time. Can travel all over campus with your lappie as long as you do your work on time. I can see poly from my window. but the cert.. aiyo. lose nyp and np leh.
NYP: Killer maths score needed. focuses on courses.. for.. nurses. no comments.
NP: Here too. Killer scores. i forgot which course it focuses on but i know i wasnt interested in it.
TP: good for IT .. but.. no interest in this poly.
): its either nyp or np lor. if i cannot make it go rp. and btw, np open house is compulsory de what. not meh. when we reach .. im going to chiong to the recording studio there and find the wall that i leant on when i was there last time. wahaha. memories. being a dj pwns. though i was a bad one.
found out jh cousin in np de o: lol. get the feeling that most of us are going open house to look for relatives and friends LOL. hahaha~
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