9pm, 15 of Jan will officially be the most scary moment of my life. O: it just hit me zomg. was taking a break from cs, so i decided to cool off and stone in maple. then my thoughts suddenly went wild. at first it was okay, but as it got more and more.. realistic.. woah. it felt as if the people were really just beside me, and..
my god..
WARNING: ITS GOING TO BE A LONG POST.
Im going to skip most of whats happened today and record them in a summarised form.
[1] Its hell being unable to get any food down even though your are starving. felt like throwing up, but i cant because theres NOTHING to throw up. at least, i have a perfectly perfect tummy. for now. zzz. T-T
[2] I stained my pretty socks with bloodstains from my wound. again. damn. -_- swear never to wear those stupid shoes ever again. bleedy friction.
[3] I memorised the whole MCR album -.- see how bored i am. Now on for a new challenge, jap songs..
[4] I found out that my blog aint as private as i thought it was. but how come? i swear i didnt let anyone in class know the url.. and the people in msn never links me. except for some. arghh. but today was ..seriously.. LOL. i only realised how complicated my life was when the two of them approached me and gave me bits of mixed up info dug up from my life. You guys are dealing with two totally different people LOL. randy and wx. you two gong kias. -_-
[5] I was still giggling.
[6] FRINGE, YES, THE GODDAMN FRINGE. stop complaining to me beacuse i dunno how to fix it either! my jawline makes bangs impossible so quit yakking already. unless i .. go back to my usual emo hairstyle lor. :/ but i dun wan. finally get pony tail liao -yes i know its a short one- then tell me cut..
[7] I redid my whole coursework, and i didnt print.^^ i love myself, seriously.
but anyway, on to the main part of today's post.
I got very inspired when i saw yet ANOTHER extreme case. Yes, time to eat my words. I now see Two extreme cases of.. uh. you get what i mean. its THE forbidden word. spent the whole day musing about this.
i went back to my ex-ex-forum and saw a certain thread that caught my eye. I think they have forgotten me but not the other way round. anyway.
saw his post. was near obsession, that person. Posted in thread every few hours talking about how he missed his ex whos overseas.. how he plan to woo her back after 2 years of bliss.. and yadda yadda yadda.. FOR DAYS ZOMG. EVERY. FEW. HOURS. i got bored and fast forwarded all the poems and sad grovelling and theories.
then i reached the question that got me into a very very inquistive mood.
" if you can only fall in love once, would you prefer to love or be loved? "
ahh, yes. I asked some people in school..and ALL, yes all the answers are.. " Of course to be loved lah. Dumb leh you. like sufferings so much issit.. "
but i was thinking.. -yes im pessimistic. its safer that way- WHAT IF, the person who likes you is a horrible old bloke who never washes himself? Sure, you people can say that at least you feel important and wanted and all that. but to me, BS. wanted? more like haunted. and since you can only fall in love once, no way youre going to let this sad situation scar your life, right? And yes, you will argue that time might be able to solve this problem.
:/
but, my good friends, how long will that be? why suffer that period of time when there are other people that can give you the same amount of happiness and maybe more?
tho yes, i admit, if youre lucky enough and get the perfect person, youre in paradise. But, the risks are too big, no? and the chances are slim.. yes.. slim. very. If everyones so lucky the whole population would be married
by then.
now for the other choice, loving people instead. be the one peeping from the corner and sending hints everyday. yes, its mentally tiring, not really advised for people with weak determination. D: the emotional roller coaster.. is.. terrifying.
BUT.
you aint staring and looking at ugly old blokes. Youre looking at THE ONE. The perfect person of your dreams. for now.
Youre satisfied if she/hes happy, and thats about it. see, loving people is sometimes better than being loved. youre doing something meaningful at least. Trying to achieve something..not running away and being irritated by stalkers.
But, however.. theres always a limit to everything, you know. Sometimes, -well, provided if you are clever enough to at least get your facts right first- letting go might be better. yessss, i know they dunno my blog, thats why im saying this. never spit such words into ppls' faces. D: you'll die. bad. but if situations are unclear, ...
..
.
good going lol.
its either you ppl go the rash way and get answers out fast or you continue being cautious and wait. if the rash way doesnt work, something is really wrong >_> i mean, cm'on. Yes or No. even my pet fishes can do that. if youre being cautious, you just need bags of courage and patience. then work from there.
best but also the lousiest way, give up without even trying to get answers.
i only realised that i strayed away from the topic till now. wont elaborate on the last point then. -_- but i guess i wont delete, still makes sense. so yea, back on.
sometimes its nice to go against the current, really. if you know that youre focused and you know what the heck youre doing, no matter what the outcome is, you deserve respect. and i mean a lot of it.
so you idiots, take the first step lahhh. even if its in secret, at least you did right. -_- yes im looking at you and you and you. and maybe you too. D:
end of musing. -after rereading, it starts to lose its common sense rating- mannn. time to edit.
update: i just went all rude and angry at my mum! and its one of the rare times that im actually regretting. but she must understand, every teenager goes through this stage. im not as mature and old as you think. :/ im only 16.
No comments:
Post a Comment