-22-

ok~ i dont want to update the ex post lol. lazy~ no time~ and no mood~ keke. ytd argued all the way till 2am sia --'' but i can see that im adapting to it .. bleh. was calm and calmer. expected all these lol. just didnt expect to be betrayed. was about to explode lah, but after listening to her side of the story i relaxed again. haha.. had no choice. if i was her i wld so called 'betray' too. above all things, i just found out.. i hate to be misunderstood the most lor.

and i feel so misunderstood right now. --'' im not freaking contradicting myself~ i just messed up on my half truths. i DO NOT have split personalities~ i was just abit emotional. and.. most of all.. IM NOT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION!!!!

--''

its an.. insult to me can. everyone is piling all sorts of mental illnesses on me --' im ok~!! its just that i cant say stuff out sometimes, thus i resorted to saying half truths. and saying too much half truths means its a total stress on emotions and your memory. geddit?! but at least they admitted to checking my blog la. zz. underestimated .

plus~ i think i have my own views, and it sorta clashed big time.

after analysing, i think i found the main point in our clashing views that got everyone in such a fix. im not gunna.. list it out or what lor.. but i know now. tho its abit too late. wahaha.

today was abit pathetic. i was stoning away in a corner lol. the adults all thought i went bonkers or wad. hl said " wah.. last two years when i saw you ure so damn hyper de lor. now like half dead lidat. duno what will happen to you in the next two years sia.. ah soh already ah?" ok la no comments. but thats when i found out that not being able to contain my emotions inside me anymore is not a good point -.- was forcing myself to stay calm for half the ritual. was so close to flooding the void deck again.. budden mum told me to control and stuff. keke.

grandad didnt rest in peace. lol. we were scared like hell la.. but after repeating the prayers again and getting everyone to apologize to his tablet.. heng -.- but its common sense to feel angry la.. no one was there to look at him one last time before his death. sad. packed the bones inside.. and.. yea. thats it.

thought im gunna faint anytime soon just now lol. gastric -.- nowadays they just cant freaking disappear!! tahaned all the way from noon to now --'' lucky its fading.. or i wan scream out ler.

i thought about this le. the moment everyone gets tired of all these = the time to end this chapter in my life. or maybe my whole life. depends. so yeh. i get the feeling that everyone is bidding their time away~ waiting for the first person to drop out of this test of patience and endurance. then.. an ending wld be reached. i think i can survive this, its getting easy. but im worried abt the other parties lor. can see that all of em are getting sick of this liao.

theres only a few ways left lol. msn cant be used. josh is out. so its either be so good at acting as a stranger that even im fooled or .. i havent thought of a new alternative. but acting .. have to pay a big price ..in rl + vl . so also cannot. -.- ah well~